What’s the difference between 911 and a abortion?
With 911 there was a victim to tell the tale.
If an illegal immigrant fights against a child molester, would that be "Alien vs Predator"?
When you steal the weird pet rock so he pulls out his pet glock
Roses are red, my name is Dan, I have a gun, GET IN THE VAN!
Murder is the same as suicide, except the other person is doing it for you.
Today I donated my watch, phone, and $500 to a poor guy. You wouldn't believe the happiness I felt as he slid the pistol back into his pocket.
What do you call a kid who's been kidnapped?
Well, her name's Sally, so I guess... Sally. My main concern is getting her out of the freezer.
I like my girls like I like my wine.
12 years old and locked in my basement.
"Don’t be dumb, make sure she’s numb."
- Bill Cosby
If A wizard gets robbed by a muggle, has he been MUGGLED?????
Did you hear about the two burglars that stole a calendar? I hear they got six months each.
If you steal a lottery ticket, is it considered Grand Theft LOTTO?
What do you call a sex offender attending church? A priest
somebody called the cops for a school shooting, what a snitch
One day, someone goes out into the forest to go hunting, and finds out there are a few others in the forest. He comes back the next day to learn he is the only person there.
Where are the others?
They're in his freezer.
There was murder. The detective suspected the artist first... because he was sketchy.
The man was absolutely delighted to find that every lamp in his house was stolen.
What's the one good thing about pedophiles? They slow down near schoolzones.
What do you call a school shooting survivor who grows up to be a prostitute on the West Coast?
A Sandy Hooker
Say what you want about pedophiles, but at least they drive slow through school zones.
