what did the pedophile say to the kid. "roses are red ,my name is dan ,i have a gun get in the van"
There was a kidnapping at school.
Don't worry, he woke up.
There is a Mexican sitting on a train. The guy sitting next to him says I have a big dick. The Mexican decides to get a lawnmower and some clippers. When he got off the train the police found a dead body with no dick and pube hairs.
What turns red, blue then white? The last person that I'd strangle.
What do you call an all-you-can-eat buffet for a pedophile? A school bus.
EU Delegate: "Sir, your country has the highest corruption and crime rate out of any other member nations. What do you have to say?"
Ambassador: *tries slipping the delegate 40 Euros* "You didn't see any statistics."
There's a man in Florida with no arms or legs who is armed and on the run
Why did the duck get arrested? For selling QUACK
Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven is a registered sex offender.
Why is the thief so good at basketball? Because he can shoot, steal, and run.
Q: How can you tell that a pedophile likes music?
A: He rapes D minor.
What do you call a fight between an illegal immigrant and a pedophile? Alien vs Predator.
A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I`ve kidnapped you." She then wrote a note saying, "I`ve kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, Blonde." The Blonde then taped the note to the kid`s shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?"
What do you take care of after a car crash?
The witnesses.
Grandfather's last words: "Stop shaking the ladder, you cunt!"
Grandmother's last words: "You know how to use that hammer."
Dad's last words: "Always aim before you shoot that gun."
Mom's last words: "Turn off the stove when you're done."
My last thought: Am I a murderer?
What’s the only victimless crime you can commit? Murder, cause there’s a victimless!
A wife asked her husband why he cheated on her. His reply was, "She was just lying there naked on the table, what was I supposed to do?" The wife replies, "Perform the fucking autopsy!"
What’s the difference between 911 and a abortion?
With 911 there was a victim to tell the tale.
If an illegal immigrant fights against a child molester, would that be "Alien vs Predator"?
When you steal the weird pet rock so he pulls out his pet glock
