Cow jokes
What did the Indian say to the cow?
I lowe you, moo than anything.
There are three men walking down the road, and they come across a farm that is for sale. The three men look at each other and put all their money together to buy the farm. On that farm, there is a cow, a monkey, and a bunch of cow food. The men are out of money, and the farm is going out of business.
One of the men sees that there is a contest for the biggest cow in the county. They entered the contest, but the cow is so thin. Every time they tried to feed the cattle, it would poop and lose weight again, so one of them suggested that they put a cork up the cow's behind. The first guy says, "Okay, then go put a cork there."
"I don't want to do it. You do it."
"No, you do it."
The third guy says, "Let's just get the monkey to do it." And the monkey puts the cork in the cow's behind. They win the biggest cow contest and get the money they need to save the farm.
The second guy realizes that they need to take the cork out of the cow. "Guys, we need to take the cork out of the cow," he says.
"Well, I'm not going to do it. You do it."
"No, you do it."
The third guy says, "Let's just get the monkey to do it again." So the monkey uncorks the cow, and there was a huge explosion. A few days later, the three men wake up in the hospital.
The doctor walks up to the first man and asks, "What happened?"
The first man replies, "All I remember is that horrible sound."
The doctor walks up to the second man and asks, "What happened?"
"All I remember is that horrible smell..."
The doctor walks up to the third man and again asks the same question. The third man looks at him and says, "All I remember is that poor poor monkey trying to put the cork back in."
Penis.
Why do cows have big [udders]? Because they have big balls.
A farmer has 3 fat ugly cows. One is named Xia. The next is named Chiang. What's the third?
Yu.
Two cows are standing in a field.
Cow 1: Did you hear about the outbreak of mad cow disease?
Cow 2: Good thing I'm a helicopter.
What does a news anchor cow say for the weekly broadcast?
"Here's the beef of the week!"
What did the cow tell an Indian?
Moo!
What is a cow's favorite water sport?
Ca-MOO-ing!
Two cows in a field.
One says to the other, "Mooooooo!"
The other says, "Tut, I was gonna say that!"
What did the cow 🐄 watch? moooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooovies 😂🐄🖥
What do you call a cow that no one likes? The mooser.
My name is Bob, and I am a cow.
My grandfather was a knight, and his name was Sir Loin.
Why did the cow cross the road?
To get to the Moo-vie theater.
Why do Indian men marry fat women?
I am mis-steak.
Why do dwarfs suck a cow's udder instead of being breastfed? Because they are too short.
What do you call a cow that doesn't produce any milk? An udder failure.
What sound do you get when you cross a cow with a cat?
Meow.
Uranus craps diamonds and is a cow 🐮.