Count jokes
I was finally released from jail a year after I beat up someone on New Year’s Eve.
Don’t blame me for being suspicious of an Arabian counting down from ten.
There was an air crash of a Boeing 737-800 which can carry around 300 passengers.
It crashed in a cemetery.
They recovered 500 bodies.
There was a Mexican magician. He was going to disappear on the count of three.
1-2-..... and he left without a trace.
How long does it take for 5 babies to die in the microwave?
I don't know, I can't count while I masturbate...
A Mexican magician says he will disappear on the count of three. He says, "uno, dos..." and poof! He disappears without a tres.
The inmates are yelling 12...12...12... in the courtyard.
A man walking by is interested why the keep chanting 12...12...12... so he sticks his head through the fence and the inmate poked the man in the eye.
Moment later they start chanting 13...13...13...
Why was Hitler bad at math? He could only count to nein.
How do you count cows? -- With a cowculator.
Bill Gates teaches a kindergarten class to count to ten. "1, 2, 3, 3.1, 95, 98, ME, 2000, XP, Vista, 7, 8, 10."
I asked a Scottish friend of mine how many sexual partners he'd had. He started counting, but fell asleep.
I can count the number of times I've been to Chernobyl on one hand. -- It's seven.
A Roman walks into a bar.
He holds up two fingers and says, "Give me five beers."
How many dead prostitutes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
More than three because the basement is still dark!
Why do shepherds never learn to count?
Because if they did, they would always be falling asleep.