Concert

Concert jokes

Why did the rapper bring a calculator to the concert?

To COUNT his BARS.

Why did the rapper bring a map to the concert?

To find his way to the top of the CHARTS.

What does a Travis Scott concert and the Titanic cabin have in common? The music doesn’t stop when people start dying.

Who am I rooting for during the Super Bowl? Easy. Taylor Swift.

Are you a lollipop? Because I can suck on you all day.

Are you an Oreo? Because I eat the cream first.

Are you a microwave? Because I’m trying to keep you quiet at 3:00 am.

Are you a sprinkler? Cause every time I see you I get wet.

Are you makeup? Cause I’d spend hours doing you.

Are you a guitar? Because I’d love to hear the noises you make when I play with you.

Are you an elevator? Cause I wanna ride you up and down.

Most restaurants are closed at night, but your legs aren’t.

I’m not a cashier, but you got a couple of things I wanna check out.

Are you Cinderella? Because I can see that dress coming off at midnight.

Are you a calendar? Because I want to pin you against the wall.

I don’t know what’s gotten into me lately, but I hope it’s you.

Are you a doughnut? Cause I wanna fill you with cream.

Are you a garden? Cause I want to plant some seeds inside of you.

Do you sing in the shower? Because if so, I need a private ticket of your concert.

Are your legs the twin towers? Because I’ll bomb what’s in between.

Are you a blanket? Because you’re on top of me every night.

Are you a phone? Cause I like to be on you 24/7.

Are you a roller coaster? Because the faster you go, the louder I scream.

I’m so jealous of your heart right now because it’s pounding inside of you and I’m not.

Are you a popsicle? Cause all I want to do is lick you up and down.

Are you a construction worker? Because you got me all bricked up.

Are you a fireman? Because you came in hot and left me wet.

Nazis have marched in Melbourne. Are you sure Eric Clapton and Carrie Underwood are not touring in Australia?

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    • No, it's not just a crotch grab. Jacko was jacking it on stage when he saw a 6-year-old boy in the front row.

    [concert] SINGER: How's everyone doin' tonight? CROWD: Woo! ME (from the back in a normal speaking voice): It's actually been a tough few months.

    I was at a My Chemical Romance meet and greet that Gerard didn’t attend, I just thought... “NO WAY!”

    Okay, long story fast, I walked to GameStop in my house, in the kitchen, by Walmart, to a BTS Squid Game concert, and Drake and Pablo were there for her labor in the Cowboys stadium by Nike, so I bought a pencil from a dead alive man. He said "ZOO WEE MAMA." So yeah.

    Myla, what did you do for Father's Day?

    Myla: I went to a restaurant.

    Timmy, what did you do for Father's Day?

    Timmy: I went to a concert.

    Olivia, what did you do for Father's Day?

    Olivia: Talked to him through an ouija board.

    "This isn't the first time my husband's cheated on me, but you're my sister! You'd better have a better explanation than this magic lamp."

    "You know how you have to be specific making wishes? Well, I was really horny and asked the genie to have the world's biggest penis....ended up with a concert pianist that's seven foot tall. Nice guy. Next time I tried, I asked for the world's biggest cock, that was fun but the poor rooster died. So I asked for the world's biggest dick and that's how I ended up on top of your husband."

  • 0

    • Jerry Garcia: I’m going on a TRIP today!

    Bob Weir: Where are you going?

    Jerry Garcia: I’m already on it. 😯🦄🌈

    I was at a concert in the front row, and I shouted something to the band's guitarist. He took it the wrong way and responded: "I'm going to go down there and hit you with my guitar!"

    And I replied: "Is that a death fret?"