What does Osama bin Laden have in common with Spongebob?
Both can be found at the bottom of the sea, filled full of holes.
I laughed when I realized that my suicide letter is way longer than my sibling's college essay.
What does a woman’s pussy and a chainsaw have in common? Miss by few inches and you’re in deep shit.
What do depressed kids and sloths have in common? They both hang from trees.
Little Johnny was walking down a dirt country road, and he came upon an old farmer leaning against a fence looking sad, shaking his head. He walked up to the old farmer and asked him what's wrong. The old farmer said, "My mule, he just won't do nothing. He don't work anymore, always looking sad, barely eats, just sad." Little Johnny said, "Can I go talk to him?" "Sure," the old farmer said, "he's back in the barn." Little Johnny went back in the barn, saw the mule just sad, and sighing. A few minutes later, Little Johnny came out and said, "Your mule is fixed." The old farmer ran in, and saw the mule laughing, just rolling, and crying laughing. "Thank you, thank you," the old farmer said, and Little Johnny was on his way. Well, a few days later, Little Johnny was walking down the same old dirt road, and came upon the old farmer again, looking sad. "What's the matter?" Little Johnny asked. "It's my mule again. Ever since you talked to him, he won't do nothing, he won't work, just laughing all day. What did you say?" "Can I go in and talk to him again?" Little Johnny asked. "Sure," said the old farmer, "he's back in the barn." Little Johnny went in the barn and a few minutes later came back out. "Your mule is fixed, sir." The old farmer went in and saw the mule crying, crying really hard. The old farmer came running out of the barn, "Hey boy! What did you say to my mule? One day he's sad, then laughing, now he's crying. Just what did you say to my mule?" Little Johnny smiled and answered, "Well, the first time I told him my dick was bigger than his; this time I showed it to him."
Like this if you are a single Pringle like me.
I like my women like I like my microwaves.
Hot, ready to go when I am, and able to kill any baby I put in her.
I realized that a really bad joke and my life are the exact same thing.
I wasn’t staring, I was just trying to figure out if that was your hairline or the Great Wall of China.
What does Madeleine McCann and my old Xbox have in common?
They both died with red rings.
What is the difference between a wagon filled with sand and a wagon filled with newborns?
You cannot unload the sand with a pitchfork.
What’s the difference between jesus and a plank of wood?
A plank of wood can take nails to the extremities without screaming
What's the difference between drugs and children? I don't sell drugs.
Girls are just like rocks; the flat ones get skipped.
73 Earths can fit in Uranus.
osmetimes when i think im ugly i just think of my sister and it makes me feel better
What's the difference between Paul Walker and a computer? I give a fuck when my computer crashes
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
Apples are actually picked.
What's the difference between a baby and a bowling ball?
You can't use a pitchfork to get the bowling ball out of the truck.
Your forehead is so big, Mastermind got jealous.
