Common jokes
What do cigarettes and hamsters have in common?
They can both be dangerous when you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire.
What do a fat chick and a moped have in common?
They’re both fun to ride until your friends find out.
What do 9-11 and a fighter have in common? They both have a one-two combo.
What do Logan Paul, KSI, and the Japanese suicide victim have in common?
Tying.
What does a duck and a tablespoon have in common?
Both are not a lamp.
Q: What does Abraham Lincoln have in common with a poor quality pirated movie?
A: They were both shot in a theater.
What do humans and monkeys have in common? They both hang from trees.
The pastor of the local church calls on the congregation for volunteers for Bible sales.
A gentleman with a severe stutter approaches the pastor after Sunday service.
"I-i-i... I-i-id like to v-v-v-v-vol-vol-vo-volunteer to s-s-s-se-sell b-b-b-bi-b-bibles, f-fff-f-f-fa-fa-father..."
"That would be wonderful, my son. We'll start you with one box. Please go door to door throughout the community and sell what you can. You can give these away, but donations are always accepted since the word of God is the most important message."
"T-t-t-t-th-th-th-thank you f-ff-f-f-f-fa-fa-fath-father... i-i-i-i-i-i-I'll s-s-s-s-se-se-sell what I c-c-c-cc-can..."
The pastor sends the man on his way.
About an hour later to the pastor's surprise, the stuttering man returns with an empty box and $200 cash.
The pastor is completely shocked, but is ultimately filled with joy as the church could use the funds more than ever, not to mention the community is that much closer to God's message.
So without asking questions, he happily sends the stuttering man on his way with 2 more boxes of Bibles.
"T-t-t-t-t-t-th-th-th-th-tha-thank you f-ff-f-f-f-fa-fa-fath-father, i-i-i-i-i-i-I'll be back s-s-s-s-s-soo-soo-soo-soon."
Exactly 2 hours later the stuttering man returns, only this time carrying 2 empty boxes and $500 cash.
The pastor is at a loss for words. So much so, that he's questioning whether the stuttering man is coming across these funds legitimately.
He pulls the man aside and asks, "Son, while myself and the church thank you for your efforts in selling these bibles, we want to make sure not to take advantage of common people. Most of my volunteers take upwards of a month to sell a single box of Bibles, and you've sold 3 boxes in a few hours. May I ask what you're telling these people when you approach their home?"
"W-w-w-w-we-we-well f-ff-f-f-f-fa-fa-fath-father it-it-it-it-its qui-q-q-q-qui-quite s-s-s-s-s-s-si-sim-simple."
"I ju-ju-ju-ju-just ask the-the-th-th-th-the-them if th-th-th-th-the-the-they'd l-l-l-l-li-li-li-li-lik-like to b-b-b-b-b-b-b-bu-bu-buy a b-b-b-bi-bi-bi-bible or if they w-w-w-w-w-wa-wa-wa-wan-want me to re-re-re-rea-read it to them."
What does Michael Jackson and a Playstation have in common?
They're both made of plastic and children turn them on.
That joke and paper have one thing in common: they're both tearable.
What do a "transgender" woman's favorite song and his/her last online order have in common?
~they're both a dick in a box.
What do your teacher and your friend have in common?
They will both die eventually.
What do a bike and a rubber duck have in common? They both have a handlebar, except for the duck.
What does a woman and Kentucky Fried Chicken have in common?
By the time you're done with the breasts and the thighs, all you have left is the greasy box to put your bone in.
What does a kid with cancer and a house fly have in common?
A life expectancy of 15-25 days.
What do Asians and John Cena have in common? You can't see me!
What do Monica and Bill Clinton have in common? They both did not inhale. Lol.
What do a moose and a triceratops have in common?
Both have noses.
What's the difference Michael Jackson and a play station have in common...
They're both plastic and kids turn them on.
What does dark humor and a child with cancer have in common? They never get old.