Simple

Simple Jokes

To the guy asking what joy I find in suicide jokes, the answer is simple. I make suicide jokes to cope with my crippling depression. Must be working, cause I'm still here

Life is like a penis simple,soft,relaxed,and hanging free.until a woman comes around and makes it hard

When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speakerā€™s circuit, he usually found himself eagerly longing to get back to his laboratory work. One night as they were driving to yet another rubber-chicken dinner, Einstein mentioned to his driver (a man who somewhat resembled Einstein in looks & manner) that he was tired of speechmaking.

ā€œI have an idea, boss,ā€ his driver said. ā€œIā€™ve heard you give this speech so many times. Iā€™ll bet I could give it for you.ā€ Einstein laughed loudly and said, ā€œWhy not? Letā€™s do it!ā€

When they arrived at the dinner, Einstein donned the driver's cap and jacket and sat in the back of the room. The driver gave a beautiful rendition of Einsteinā€™s speech and even answered a few questions expertly.

Then a supremely pompous professor asked an extremely esoteric question about anti-matter formation, digressing here and there to let everyone in the audience know that he was nobodyā€™s fool. Without missing a beat, the driver fixed the professor with a steely stare and said, ā€œSir, the answer to that question is so simple that I will let my driver, who is sitting in the back, answer it for me.ā€

When Kim jong-un said nuke the chinese, he meant put the take away in the oven. Some simple misunderstandings start a war.

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I am crying tears of joy rn.šŸ˜­ I was wrongfully denied my visa .ā˜ ļø They took me to the Q&A section, that I needed to answer one simple question for my visa to be granted. The question was the original synonym of Bench. I shakily answered Pristiano Penaldo šŸ˜­.I was right guys āœ…šŸ›«

2 simple steps to get 15,000 people to follow you step 1. Buy a bottle of water (doesn't matter the size) step 2 . Run through Africa with that bottle of water. Perfect now You got yourself half the population there following you

46. I made a website for orphans. It doesnā€™t have a home page.

52. Whatā€™s the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body? I donā€™t have a Lamborghini in my garage.

54. What is the difference between Iron man and Iron Woman? One is a superhero and the other is a simple command.

Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world. Doctor says: 'Treatment is simple. The great clown - Pagliacci - is in town. Go see him. That should pick you up.' Man bursts into tears, says 'But doctor... I am Pagliacci.'

People always ask what the secret of our families happiness is. It is simple really. 1 Television and computer games are limited to a couple of hours each week. 2. We all give each other a hand when needed. Last but not least we play twister.

a friend texts to another "hey", they reply, "What's up?". The first friend then replies with a simple answer, "the sky!", but the other friend intervenes and says, "no it's the ceiling!". To then the first friend finishes the greeting with, "unless you're homeless or six feet under."

A boy asks his father:

What is politics?

Father answers:

Itā€™s very simple! You see, I bring in the money, so Iā€™m big business . Your mother spends the money, so sheā€™s the government.

Your grandfather sees to it that everything is managed in an orderly way. So heā€™s the law.

Our maid is the working class.

Everything revolves around your interests, so youā€™re the people. Your little baby brother represents the future.

The boy has to think it over. That night he hears his little brother crying due to a dirty diaper. He doesnā€™t know what to do, so he goes to the bedroom of his parents. There his mother is sound asleep. He goes to the bedroom of the maid, but his father is there fucking the maid ā€” and oddly enough his grandfather is watching through the window.

Nobody notices the boy and he returns to his bed.

The next day his father asks him:

So, can you now explain to me what politics is?

The boy says:

Yes, itā€™s all become clear to me!

Big business screws over the working class while the law watches and the government sleeps. The people are ignored and the future lies in shit.

Did you know, curing boredom is quite simple. For instance, you could pretend to be an apple by tying a rope around your neck for a stem.