Comedy jokes
What’s the difference between dark jokes and cotton?
Some people don’t pick it.
You heard a conversation between Sans and Papyrus:
Sans: "Sub bro."
Papyrus: "DON'T 'SUB' ME BROTHER! YOU STILL DIDN'T REDINTEGRATE YOUR PUZZLES!"
Sans: "Easy bro, I have done a ton of work today."
Sans: "A skele-ton."
(Drum effect)
Papyrus: "OH MY GOD SANS!"
What's an orphan's least favorite movie? Spiderman: No Way Home.
I have one policy, and that is to not make fun of black people.
Sorry, Jesus. You were white in the Bible pictures.
What do my balls and emos have in common?
...Nothing, they both hang themselves...
I was going to think of a good amputee joke...
But I’m stumped.
What's the difference between Autism and Gender?
Autism is on a spectrum.
Jesus and Satan are just basically Homer and Flanders. One tries to help the other, only for Satan to just say, "Shut up!"
What do you do if you're ever attacked by a gang of clowns?
Go for the juggler!
Why can't orphans go to movies?
There PG-13 movies.
Not all cat puns are purr-fect; some just have their claws.
What did the toilet paper say to the other toilet paper?
"Hey, check me out! I'm on a roll!" 😂😂🤭🤭
Why did God steal a rib from Adam and make a woman out of it?
God wanted to show that nothing sensible can come of stealing!
Why does Stephen Hawking only do one-liners?
Because he can’t do stand up.
My friend was on a wheelchair... he committed suicide yesterday. I remember when I met him last time, he told us a good joke and I appreciated him and told him to become a stand-up comedian.
Pilot: So Kobe, it seems like you’re not going to make it to your destination in time, so I’m going to put it on autopilot so I can find a place to fill with gas.
Kobe: Take us to the side of that mountain at full speed. I don’t really want to go to the event anymore.
What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1.
Once there was this Whichdoctor. He walked barefoot most of the time, which gave him impressive calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, and the food gave him bad breath, which made him (wait for it) a Super Callused Fragile Mystic Hexed By Halitosis.
Man: Okay, tell me a joke without the expense of anyone's feelings.
Me: Okay, so an Asian...
*Watches sad movie with family*
Everyone else: *Crying*
Sister: How aren't you crying?
Me: I have no tears left to cry...