Comedy jokes

I want to make a joke about Kobe, but it won't land well.

What's the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi? -- People in Dubai don't like the Flintstones but people in Abu Dhabi doooo.

I would say a 9/11 joke, but it wouldn't land well.

What do you call a funny chicken?

A comedi-hen!

Two horses are standing in a field. "I'm so hungry I could eat a horse," says the first.

"Moo!" says the second.

What starts with "s" and ends with "erm"? SuperM.

This means both "matrix" and "master" so take out the "u" and then you just get "master". When you think of sperm, you think of porn. If you're a master at something, you're also a star at it. So you get porn star.

So this dude comes home from work one day, and his wife is watching the Food Network.

The husband asks, "Why do you watch that? You still can't cook," and the wife responds, "Why do you watch porn? You still can't f*ck."

What the hell is this website? Do you all think these jokes are funny?

Derrick and Clive. They have a song about a Dad with cancer and other extremely offensive subjects in a routine called "The Non-Stop Dancer." It is very funny, but it is made even funnier by Dudley Moore's drunken and stoned laughter through the song.

One of the best routines ever. Look it up on YouTube. They recorded them in the studio, but they are ad-libbing and extremely drunk.

Man, I had a joke, but it left and never came back.

"Rapeboat" makes Elton John seem straight.

If Bugs Bunny had Down Syndrome:

"Meeeehh, what's up, Downs?"

What did Jessiey do?

Jump and make a explosionnnnnnnn, heyyyy gas!

Hello Miss Chandia, here. I want to tell you guys a joke.

What do jokes serve for dessert?

Jesus Christ said my faith can move mountains, so Mohammed said my faith can move skyscrapers.

I’m not saying you’re going bald, but you’ll find Waldo before you find your hairline.

Jokes about the Twin Towers and planes usually crash and burn.

Actor 1: "I'm Michael with a b and I hate insects."

Actor 2: "Where's the b?"

Actor 1: "THERE'S A BEE???????????!!!!!!!!!!!????????!!!!!"

What do you call an orphan who grows up and becomes a priest?

Father Les.

Why don't parents get school shooting jokes? They're aimed at a younger audience.