Comedy Jokes

When you steal the weird pet rock so he pulls out his pet glock

Bill Gates teaches a kindergarten class to count to ten. “dos, 1, 2, 3, 3.1, 95, 98, ME, 2000, XP, Vista, 7, 8, 8.1, 10.”

What happened to the man who made too many bad jokes? He served out a cruel and unusual PUNishment.

How do turn a duck into a soul singer?

Put him in the microwave until his bill withers

Six out of seven dwarfs aren’t Happy.

:What’s an orphans favorite Netflix show Fuller house

Only a genius can say this

EYE YAM STEW PEED

What do classical musicians do when they die?

They decompose.

Joke: Genders are much like the twin towers, they're used to be two but now it's a sensitive subject

Papyrus= well come to the underground. sans= how was your falls. Papyrus= g-g-good luck eve-ever ge-getting o-out. Sans= give me your balls!

I love telling jokes about orphans. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?

People might not laugh to my jokes, or have a reaction at all, But I'd explode with euphoria. Periodically, people might laugh every now and then.

A guy goes ice fishing for the very first time. All of a sudden, he hears a voice. “There are no fish under the ice!” He ignores it and moves to another area, cuts a hole, and tosses his line in. Again, he hears the booming voice: “There are no fish under the ice!” He nervously looks up and asks, “Lord? Is that you?” “No, this is the rink manager!”

A man was hitting a woman with his d*ck. Someone ran up to the man and said “THATS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE” the man replied with “no, it’s not domestic violence it’s DUMBASS-D*CK VIOLENCE”

one day, little Sally hears the phone ringing. she picks it up "Hello, this is daddy, Sally. Is your mom nearby." Sally says, "No, shes upstairs with Uncle john" "Uncle john? i don't know an Uncle John." "no, no, no, you must be mistaken, daddy" "no i'm sure there's no one named Uncle John in our family." "Okay, but why did you call?" Says Sally. "Ummm no reason, just tell mommy that daddy's pulling into the driveway right now." "Okay daddy!"

*long pause*

"Okay daddy! I did it!' "Great job Sally! What did she says?"

"Mommy said OH FU.. and then she ran around with no clothes on and tripped on the carpet and hit her head on the bookshelf. shes now resting it looks like... then Uncle John screams and jumps out the window into the swimming pool, but of course we took all the water out this winter..."

then dad replies "Swimming pool? we dont have a...is this 468-1843?"