Comedy jokes
Imagine the Russians showing up late to the 1917 revolution with a Tsarbucks in hand. They were late, so I guess they weren't Russian. They were probably Stalin.
Monkey: What ya doing?
Other monkey: Just you know, "hanging around."
Bad joke, right? I just can't think of something amazing. It's like my brain is "hanging."
There once was a little girl named Sarah with no arms and legs.
*knock knock*
Who's there!
Not Sarah.
If LAUGHTER is the best medicine, BLESSEDBRIAN'S JOKES are the disease.
There's a new horror movie about Stephen Hawking.
It's called "Unplugged!"
rapboat whenever he talks
Why couldn’t the kitten watch the movie? It had a violent cat-e-gory.
My friend said to me that I am gay. My response? I’m as straight as that pole that your mum danced on last night.
What do you call an injured person who doesn't want to play a game with you? A sore loser.
*Watches sad movie with family*
Everyone else: *Crying*
Sister: How aren't you crying?
Me: I have no tears left to cry...
Why did Sarah fall off the swing? She had no arms.
What did Sarah get for Christmas? I dunno, she hasn't opened it yet.
Knock knock...
Who's there?
Not Sarah.
Have you heard about the guy whose friends teased him because he pays for sex? He doesn't pay anymore.
Famous last words: I COULD EAT THIS IN ONE BITE!
Biggest joke?
[Image of Zac Efron]
There are two muffins baking in an oven. One muffin says to the other, "Phew, is it getting hot in here or is it just me?"
The other muffin says, "AAAAHHH!! A TALKING MUFFIN!"
There's 3 things I hate.
1. Jokes
2. Lists
3. Irony.
Funny.
What's the difference between a dog and a rapist?
At least the rapist adds a bit of foreplay before he starts humping people.
What's the difference between an ISIS militant base and a Pakistani children's school?
I don't know, I just fly the drone.
So I was being robbed, and this guy had the gun to my head, so I told him he was holding it backwards.
Whoever invented the knock-knock joke should get a "no bell" prize.