Comedy jokes
Why did Shakespeare only write using quills?
Pencils confused him: 2b or not 2b.
What do you call a black comedian?
Dark Humor.
You want to hear a dirty joke? Jonny played in the mud. You want to hear a clean joke? Jonny took a bath with bubbles. You want to hear a dirty joke? Bubbles was the next door neighbor.
You're so fat,
when you stepped on the scale,
Buzz Lightyear came out and said,
"To infinity and beyond!"
Where did Sally go when the bomb went off?
Everywhere.
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
She had no arms.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally.
W-what does, I mean uh, what is, um-, wh-what’s the difference, no... I mean- I mean what do you call a, um... sorry guys, i-i can’t do this. 😥🥺
*runs away in tears*
What did the bird do when he ate the expired worm?
He flew up!
"I always like walking in the rain, so no one can see me crying."
- Charlie Chaplin
(Me) Hey bro, tell me a joke!
(My friend) Your mom. *Starts Laughing*
(Me) *Fakes laughs* *then points a gun at him*
At this moment, he knew he fucked up.
Peter Griffin walks into a bar.
Peter Griffin walks into a bar.
Peter Griffin walks into a bar.
I think I may have forgotten the rest of the joke.
I had a friend who got shot in the head.
Guess you could say he was...
Blown Away!
I would tell you a joke about a clock, but it’s a waste of time! 😄😄
Black comedy name week:
Malt liquor Monday Tupac Tuesday Watermelon Wednesday Thong Thursday Fried chicken Friday Sukie Sukie Saturday Slap a hoe Sunday
I was going to think of a good amputee joke...
But I’m stumped.
Why do you always high five the emo person? 'Cause you can't just leave them hanging.
My friend wanted to say egg puns, so I told him, "Omelette you do your egg jokes."
A friend took me out to his shed and was showing me all his tools, when he pointed to a ladder. "That's my step ladder," he said. "I never knew my real ladder."
I have an orphan joke, but it needs parental guidance.
What do you call a Pirate Pokemon?
Arrrrrr-ceus!
I would tell jokes about Kobe, but they would just crash and burn.