Comedy jokes

What do you call a llama that was in 9/11? Osama Bin Llama.

1. What do you call a dinosaur that is sleeping?

A dino-snore!

2. What is fast, loud, and crunchy?

A rocket chip!

3. Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert?

Because she was stuffed!

4. What has ears but cannot hear?

A cornfield!

5. What did the left eye say to the right eye?

Between us, something smells!

This is a short joke! This short joke is long. Nice joke, Mr. Steve.

A bear and a rabbit are at a bar getting high, smoking weed, talking about nothing but lies and straight up garbage.

And then the bear starts to drink too much damn liquor, gets drunk, and asks the rabbit, "Can I have one more scotch, pretty please?"

And the rabbit says, "Hell to the naw, I'm not about to carry your drunk ass home with me and smell your breath."

Two hunters are in the woods when one of them collapses.

His hunting buddy immediately calls 911. "My friend isn't breathing," he shouts into the phone. "What should I do?"

"Relax," the operator tells him. "I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."

There's silence, and then a gunshot. The guy gets back on the phone and says, "OK, now what?"

"Stop telling these orphan jokes!! Maybe some people that read these are orphans!"

I'll stop telling orphan jokes when their parents come back.

Did you know the F in orphan stands for family... Oh wait, haha.

We should stop making jokes about orphans before they tell their parents... Oh, continue.

Jamal: Dads CAN grow on trees, Joseph.

Joseph: No, they don't.

Jamal: Yes, they do. I've seen it.

Joseph: ... that's not what you thought it was.

789.

How do you get a million Pikachus in a bus?

You shove them on!

Q: How do you get a squirrel to like you? A: Act like a nut! 😂

Q: Why don't eggs tell jokes? A: Because they'd crack each other up.

Son: Dad, can you put my shoes on? Dad: No, son, I don't think they would fit me.

I'm on a seafood diet. When I see food, I eat it.

I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.

Why did the man die of the actor's performance?

The performance was unbeLIVEable!

"You're really hot, I wanna hit on you like the plane hit the Twin Towers."

A lot of people get mad at me for my bad jokes. I always thought they were punderful.

My phone is just like the Twin Towers; they got put in airplane mode.

What does the ocean do to its friends?

It waves.

(*Sorry I wasn't making any jokes for a while, I was getting sick of this thing.*)

We should not stop orphan jokes. They're funny as fuck.

What is the best joke of all time?

Feminism.

You heard a conversation between Sans and Papyrus:

Sans: "Sub bro."

Papyrus: "DON'T 'SUB' ME BROTHER! YOU STILL DIDN'T REDINTEGRATE YOUR PUZZLES!"

Sans: "Easy bro, I have done a ton of work today."

Sans: "A skele-ton."

(Drum effect)

Papyrus: "OH MY GOD SANS!"

I have a skeleTON of jokes, but none of them are very humorous.