Comedy jokes
I brought a new pen that can write underwater. It can also write other words.
How do you tell whether you’ve satisfied a redhead?
She unlocks the handcuffs.
What's the difference between a rubber and Michael Jackson? Nothing, kids touch them both.
If you’ve got depression, then your life is a joke. Everyone laughs at both.
When I was in middle school, I was on my bus and people were doin' hairline jokes, and I heard this guy say, "Your hairline goes back to... uhhhhhh... 2042?"
I have so many orphan jokes. I'm afraid most of them won't hit home.
What do you call a prostitute with no arms or legs?
Cash and carry.
John
Jimmy does stand up comedy. He says, "What do you call an orangutan?"
Jake replies, "YOU!" Then everyone, including the teacher, laughs. Jimmy cries.
LOL
What do you call a stand-up comedian if the comedian doesn’t have legs?
What do you say to a girl with two black eyes?
Nothing, you told her twice.
If I send a clown to deliver flowers to my wife...
...is that a romantic jester?
What is the worst comedy for disabled people?
Stand-up comedy!
Black comedy name week:
Malt liquor Monday Tupac Tuesday Watermelon Wednesday Thong Thursday Fried chicken Friday Sukie Sukie Saturday Slap a hoe Sunday
So a guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender says tell me a joke. So the guy says: so a guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender says tell me a joke. So the guy says: so a guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender says tell me a joke. So the guy says: so a guy walks into a bar and he asks the bartender for a drink. So he gives the guy a drink. So he gives the guy a drink. So he gives the guy a drink.
Two people are in a restaurant. Person #1 doesn’t order anything, and Person #2 orders a chili.
Person #1: “Aren’t you gonna eat your bowl of chili?”
Person #2: “No, you can have it.”
Person #1: “Ok, thanks...”
Person 1 starts eating his food only to find half of a dead rat! He vomits all of the food back into the bowl.
Person #2: “That’s about as far as I got too!”
Mooning is very astrological!
What do you do if you're ever attacked by a gang of clowns?
Go for the juggler!
Where did Sally go when the bomb went off?
Everywhere.
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
She had no arms.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally.
Friend: Wanna hear a joke?
Other Friend: Sure.
Friend: Pussy.
Other Friend: I don't get it.
Friend: And you never will.