Comedy jokes
Yo mama is so fat that I could write 3 paragraphs, and she still wouldn’t fit.
I would tell a dad joke, but it already left me.
Hi guys!
What do you call a stand-up comedian if the comedian doesn’t have legs?
What do you call a prostitute with no arms or legs?
Cash and carry.
John
Jimmy does stand up comedy. He says, "What do you call an orangutan?"
Jake replies, "YOU!" Then everyone, including the teacher, laughs. Jimmy cries.
LOL
When I was in middle school, I was on my bus and people were doin' hairline jokes, and I heard this guy say, "Your hairline goes back to... uhhhhhh... 2042?"
What do you say to a girl with two black eyes?
Nothing, you told her twice.
If you’ve got depression, then your life is a joke. Everyone laughs at both.
What is the worst comedy for disabled people?
Stand-up comedy!
If I send a clown to deliver flowers to my wife...
...is that a romantic jester?
I have so many orphan jokes. I'm afraid most of them won't hit home.
Israel and Palestine jokes are hard at these times.
It’s all about execution.
So a guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender says tell me a joke. So the guy says: so a guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender says tell me a joke. So the guy says: so a guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender says tell me a joke. So the guy says: so a guy walks into a bar and he asks the bartender for a drink. So he gives the guy a drink. So he gives the guy a drink. So he gives the guy a drink.
Two people are in a restaurant. Person #1 doesn’t order anything, and Person #2 orders a chili.
Person #1: “Aren’t you gonna eat your bowl of chili?”
Person #2: “No, you can have it.”
Person #1: “Ok, thanks...”
Person 1 starts eating his food only to find half of a dead rat! He vomits all of the food back into the bowl.
Person #2: “That’s about as far as I got too!”
Mooning is very astrological!
What do you do if you're ever attacked by a gang of clowns?
Go for the juggler!
You want to hear a rape joke? Yeah. Damn you ruined it.
Where did Sally go when the bomb went off?
Everywhere.
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
She had no arms.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally.