Comedy jokes
All of these jokes are so dark, I'm surprised cops haven't shot them.
My friend: You really need to stop the SH jokes.
Me: But they're not that long.
Kelly Clarkson wants to be Rosie O'Donnell so badly. Too bad Kelly is the "Queen of Incest" and not the "Queen of Nice".
(And Kelly came from a sundown town in the Deep South, and not from Long Island.)
These jokes are weak like the structure of the towers.
Little Jimmy asked his mom if he could take a bath with her since he was scared of being alone. She said, "Sure, just don't look up." He looked up and said, "Woah, what are those?" She replied, "Those are just headlights." He looked down and said, "What is that?" She said, "That's just a bush." The next day, mommy wasn't home, so he asked to take a shower with his papa instead. He said, "Okay, but don't look up." He looked up and said, "Woah, what is that?" His papa replied, "That's just a snake." Later that night, he asked to sleep with his parents. They said, "Okay, just don't look under the covers." After a while, he grew bored and went under the covers. Jimmy screamed, "Mom, turn on the headlights, the snake is in the bush!"
My friends say they don’t like my skeleton puns.
I should put a little more backbone into them.
There is a lot of difference between a man and a woman saying, "I went through a whole box of tissues watching that movie."
I don’t like to make jokes around dwarfs.
Simply because they look up to me.
"I always like walking in the rain, so no one can see me crying."
- Charlie Chaplin
"Man, your jokes about homicide are totally killer!"
Nah c'mon guys, we don't let jokes like this fly around here.
What do you call a bus full of transgender men? T-Mobile.
- The emo went to give the tree a high five, but the emo was left hanging.
- How did the gay person die? Homicide.
- Why did the emo get kicked out of the amusement park? He was cutting in line.
- When does a joke turn into a dad joke? When it leaves and never comes back.
- I cried when my dad chopped onions. Onions was such a good dog.
- I have happy memories building sandcastles with my dad, until my mom took his urn away.
- How is the person over there different from cancer? His dad didn't beat cancer.
What do you call an emo kid's suicide live stream?
America's funniest home videos.
PP almighty stabeth thy! Then my sister said, "Just put it in."
I can’t watch anime anymore when my friend’s grandpa is in the house.
He hasn’t heard a Japanese person scream since the war.
I saw a dwarf scaling down a prison wall. I thought to myself, "That's a little condescending."
Two old people sitting on a bench. One turns to the other and says, "My butt fell asleep." The other says, "Yep, I heard it snore a couple of times."
Have you heard about the guy whose friends teased him because he pays for sex? He doesn't pay anymore.
Guy 1: "Tell me a bad pun."
Guy 2: "Alright. What's the difference between a tuna fish, a piano, and a tube of glue?"
Guy 1: "Ok, that last one was random as heck. What is the difference?"
Guy 2: "You can tuna a piano, but you can't piano a tuna."
Guy 1: "Ok, where does the glue come in?"
Guy 2: "Ah, I knew you'd get stuck on that."