Comedy

Comedy jokes

Cop

All of these jokes are so dark, I'm surprised cops haven't shot them.

  • 3
  • Difference

    What's the difference between Princess Diana and Thomas the Tank Engine?

    Thomas came out the other end of the tunnel.

    Snake

    Little Jimmy asked his mom if he could take a bath with her since he was scared of being alone. She said, "Sure, just don't look up." He looked up and said, "Woah, what are those?" She replied, "Those are just headlights." He looked down and said, "What is that?" She said, "That's just a bush." The next day, mommy wasn't home, so he asked to take a shower with his papa instead. He said, "Okay, but don't look up." He looked up and said, "Woah, what is that?" His papa replied, "That's just a snake." Later that night, he asked to sleep with his parents. They said, "Okay, just don't look under the covers." After a while, he grew bored and went under the covers. Jimmy screamed, "Mom, turn on the headlights, the snake is in the bush!"

    Friend

    My friends say they don’t like my skeleton puns.

    I should put a little more backbone into them.

    Difference

    There is a lot of difference between a man and a woman saying, "I went through a whole box of tissues watching that movie."

    Dwarf

    I don’t like to make jokes around dwarfs.

    Simply because they look up to me.

    Dog

    Q: How are Asians like a box of chocolates?

    A: Either way they'll kill your dog.

    Suicide

    What do you call an emo kid's suicide live stream?

    America's funniest home videos.

  • 2
  • Tuna

    Guy 1: "Tell me a bad pun."

    Guy 2: "Alright. What's the difference between a tuna fish, a piano, and a tube of glue?"

    Guy 1: "Ok, that last one was random as heck. What is the difference?"

    Guy 2: "You can tuna a piano, but you can't piano a tuna."

    Guy 1: "Ok, where does the glue come in?"

    Guy 2: "Ah, I knew you'd get stuck on that."

  • 3
  • Dwarf

    I saw a dwarf scaling down a prison wall. I thought to myself, "That's a little condescending."

  • 1
  • Butt

    Two old people sitting on a bench. One turns to the other and says, "My butt fell asleep." The other says, "Yep, I heard it snore a couple of times."

  • 3
  • People

    Why do people keep on making jokes about the twin towers?

    Because they go down so well.

    Dandruff

    Did you know Cobain had dandruff? Yep. They found his head and shoulders all over the back of his couch.

    Chemo

    What do you call a movie with kids with cancer? ... Finding Chemo.