Comedy Jokes

Have you heard about the guy whose friends teased him because he pays for sex? He doesnt pay anymore.

I think Paul Walker and 9/11 jokes are great but when I tell them to others they tend to crash and burn

My freind said he wanted to die and I told him not to jump but when he screamed hi im jhonny Knoxville and welcome to jackass I knew it was over

Jesus Christ said my faith can move mountains so Mohammed said my faith can move sky scrapers

I saw my friend hang themselves my response was i guess they wanted to hang with someone

So, I was at a stand up comedy show in Russia where the comedian was making fun of Putin. The jokes weren’t that good but I loved the execution.

I can’t watch anime anymore when my friends grandpa is in the house

He hasn’t heard a Japanese person scream since the war

WHY CANT MISS PIGGY COUNT TO 70? BECAUSE WHEN SHE GETS TO 69 THERE'S A FROG IN HER THROAT.

What type of people think rape jokes are funny?

Only the coolest people in the world! I fucking love you guys 😂

What's the best thing about abuse jokes? The punchline.

It’s only rape

If she finds out.

I went to the zoo the other day. The only animal there was a dog. It was a Shih-tzu (shit zoo).

Three guy are in the woods, a a really smart guy, an average, and a really dumb guy, they bored so the smart guy decides to go hunting a little while later he comes back with a dear, the average guy asks how do did you do that? The really smart guy says says I see dear tracks I fallow dear tracks, I see dear I shoot dear. The average guy say I think I understand and leaves, an little bit later he comes back with a raccoon. The really dumb goes *gasp* how did you do that!?. And the average looks at him funny and says well I see raccoon tracks I fallow raccoon tracks, I see raccoon I shoot raccoon. The super dumb guy thinks for a second and says Oooohh, ok I thiNo I can do that.. and leaves. Hours pass and and the guy finally returns, hurt, bloody, and horribly mingled. They run to help him. Finally one of the guys ask him what happened this is what he said: I see train tracks, I fallow train tracks. I see train I shoot train. But train keep coming.

Two horses are standing in a field. "I'm so hungry I could eat a horse," says the first.

"Moo!" says the second.

What is the difference between a baby and a watermelon?

One is a refreshing summertime snack the other one is a watermelon.

I was going to tell a joke about babys but i decided to abort

*Hears the news about Sandy Hook* Person 1:God,I can only imagine what was going through those kids heads in the last moments of their lives... Person 2:Probably Bullets Person 1:OMG!!Can you even think of what their parents are going through?! Person 2:Probably Coffin Brochures Person 1:.... Person 2:Its called dark humor.Dark humor is like food,not everyone gets it.

I was watching my boyfriends dog while he took a shower. I started playing fetch with the him when the ball went over the balcony. He went to get it and fell 10 stories. When i looked down, he appeared to be dead. My boyfriend loved his dog and I didn't know what to do ,so feeling awful, I sat on the couch and waiting for him to come back. About three minutes later he got out of the shower. He ordered some food and went to the table to eat when I said ,”you know , your dogs been a little depressed lately...”