Come jokes

Why do people think Jesus is going to come back? He wasn’t nailed to a fucking boomerang!

How do you get Wacko Jacko to come inside your shop? Have little boys' pants half off!

Poor Bubba got burnt up so bad in a house fire that the coroner needed someone to identify the body. So Bubba's two best friends (the three were inseparable) agreed. The first friend said, "Hard to tell, can you turn him over?" The coroner looked perplexed but did so. "Nope, that's not Bubba." The second friend said, "He's burnt up pretty bad, can you roll him over again?" The coroner didn't understand but rolled him over anyway. "Nope, that's not him." Pretty confused, the coroner asked, "How can you tell it's not him by rolling him over?" "Well, you see, Bubba had two assholes." "Impossible," the coroner replied. The friends said, "I don't know, but every time we went to town, everyone would say, 'Here comes Bubba with them two assholes.'"

A teacher in Scunthorpe asks a class what their favorite football team is, saying, "Raise your hand if it is Scunthorpe." Every student but one raised their hand. The teacher asks, "Why don't you support Scunthorpe?" The child answers, "My parents support Grimsby, and so do I." The teacher comes back with, "Why are you copying your parents? What if your mum was a prostitute and your dad a druggie?" The child answers, "Then I'd support Scunthorpe like you dirty bastards!"

How do you know when your wife is cheating on you?

She comes home with sparkles on her face.

If you want to SH but not in the sell farm way, come ooon.. do you even know what does that means?..

I did so much research that I got bone-tired from doing this, tibia honest. You probably didn't find that humerus. I got a skeleton of these puns. I guess I could learn a femur puns. I was wondering if the creators of this site could talus how they come up with puns or maybe give some advice? I'm only 14 years old.

A cop saw an old lady carrying two sacks. He asked the lady what she was doing. She opened one bag and shows a bunch of cash.

"How did you get all this?" asked the cop.

"Well, I live behind a golf course, and my backyard has many holes in its fence. Since there are no bathrooms nearby, the golfers stick their dicks through the holes and piss onto my hard, and that keeps killing my flowers. So, I grabbed my hedge clippers, and when they stick it through, I grab their dick and yell, '10 bucks right now or it comes clean off!' After that, nobody pees in my yard ever again."

The cop responded with, "Dang. But what about the other bag?"

She said, "Not everybody paid."

You’re Russian when you go to the bathroom and Finnish when you come out. What are you in the bathroom?

European.

Jack and Jill went up the hill each with $20. Jill came down with $40. Fucking whore!!!!

Why are orphans not boomerangs? Because they never come back.

The average French car has 7 gears, 6 of which are in reverse mode just in case the Germans come back.

How do terrorists feed their children?

"Here comes the aeroplane!"

"And here comes the second one!"

How do terrorists feed their children?

Here comes the airplane.

How come you never see a gay person in a wheelchair?

It’s hard to be a fruit, when you’re already a vegetable.

I was playing football and this guy comes to me, he was in a wheelchair.

We started playing rocket league.

"Your ass must be jealous of all that shit that comes out of your mouth."

I told my friend that we should dress up as P. Diddy and Drake for Halloween and ask parents if their kid wants to come over for a sleepover.

So I went to the binoculars shop the other day. Tell you what, they saw me coming.

Two priests walk into a store, and cops come up to them and say they’re looking for a child molester, and the priests both say, "I’ll do it!"