Come jokes
I used to have a girlfriend who would argue with me a lot for no reason. I look at her feet and say to her, "Here is £15, give yourself a foot pedicure, then come back to me. It clearly shows you have man feet. You are a woman; you should have woman feet. No wonder you boss me around too much as if you're the man of the house."
What’s the hardest part about being friends with a turtle?
Getting them to come out of their shell.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Fishes.
Fishes who?
Fishes the police, come out with your hands up!
I watched the series of "Unfortunate Events" 4 times, all the shows 4 times. I am crying. I am trying to finish the rest, then my brother comes in and says it is PG (Parental Guidance). After that, my brother called me a baby, then he pushed me off my bed. 😭
Three guys are in the woods, a really smart guy, an average guy, and a really dumb guy. They're bored, so the smart guy decides to go hunting. A little while later he comes back with a deer. The average guy asks, "How did you do that?" The really smart guy says, "I see deer tracks, I follow deer tracks, I see deer, I shoot deer." The average guy says, "I think I understand," and leaves. A little bit later he comes back with a raccoon. The really dumb guy goes *gasp*, "How did you do that!?" And the average looks at him funny and says, "Well, I see raccoon tracks, I follow raccoon tracks, I see raccoon, I shoot raccoon." The super dumb guy thinks for a second and says, "Oooohh, ok, I think I can do that..." and leaves.
Hours pass, and the guy finally returns, hurt, bloody, and horribly mangled. They run to help him. Finally, one of the guys asks him what happened. This is what he said: "I see train tracks, I follow train tracks, I see train, I shoot train. But train keep coming."
Somebody’s son said, "Mom, my dick has white stuff coming out of it." She said, "Oh, good one, son, so when’s the baby coming?"
I know I'm valuable, I come with a barcode ;)
What kind of star will come out in the daytime?
A starfish! 🐟🐠🐡🦐🦞🦀🦑🐙🦂
A police pulls over a Mexican man trying to get into America. The Mexican man comes up with some sob story and the police say, "All right, all right ok," says the police, "I'll let you go if you can come up with a sentence that has the words green, pink, and yellow in it." The Mexican thought about it long and hard for almost 45 minutes and then the police says, "Ok ok let's hear it" after waiting impatiently. The Mexican said, "Ok ok don't rush me. I'm ready." The Mexican replied, "Ok when my phone green green, I pink it up and say Yellow!"
Q: Why do orphans like boomerangs?
A: They come back, unlike their parents.
So I got my son a trampoline for Christmas this year, and he was so ungrateful, like he just sat there crying in his wheelchair. What has this world come to?
How come none of my friends have dungeons? Oddly enough, they all have "rape dungeons."
If there was a quiz on midgets, here’s the Midget quiz and the questions that would be on it:
1. When midgets get high on any drug, do they get high or medium?
2. Do midgets come out the closet or the cabinet?
3. Are Midgets related to Snow White’s 7 Dwarfs?
4. Is a midget just a human without the mushroom in Mario?
5. Was this funny?
The tent pole is up, The canvas is spread, The hell with breakfast, Come back to bed.
Take the tent pole down, Put the canvas away, The monkey had a hemorrhage, No circus today.
The man walks into a bar, reaches into his pocket, and pulls out a tiny piano and a tiny piano player. The piano player starts playing the piano. The guy next to him asks where he got that. The man says there is a genie out on the corner granting wishes.
So the man sitting next to him jumps up and runs outside. He says to the genie, "I want a million bucks." The genie snaps his fingers, and a million ducks appear in the road. The man comes back inside and says, "Hey, that genie is a little hard of hearing." The man says, "Well, did you really think I'd ask for a 12-inch pianist?"
Yo, sis, come here.
Sis: What?
Me: Oh, sorry, you doing school?
Sis: Yup.
Me: Can I go?
Sis: No way, you're going to hug me.
Me: I love you.
Lol, 1 week anniversary of me being on Worst Jokes Ever...
J0K35: *LETS START A JOKING KEGGAR*
A Joking keggar is where I get you drunk with some jokes, only on a special occasion.
Okay, y'all ready to get drunk with raging jokes? OK LETS GOOOOo
What do you call an LGBTQ+ disc jockey?
A DG (dee gay)
What does lava use when it can't walk properly?
A volCANEo
What do crackheads do when a black man got brutalized?
They start a HIGHot (say it like hi-ot, _riot_)
What is Satan's favorite DJ?
MarshHELLo
What do neck breakers use?
Snapchat
What did Twitter and Reddit eat with chocolate and marshmallows?
Instagraham crackers
Is this the last joke?
No
What is similar between a dog and my ex?
They are both commonly known as bitches
What number has a flu from a pig?
Nine flu (swine flu)
What did the loaf say when he was playing hide and seek?
BREADY OR NOT? HERE I GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Who is the best anime girl?
Well, it's pretty obvious 02 is on the second rank
Why did Sally get caned?
Because old men hurriCANED.
That was all
OR WAS IT?
Yes, it was (Come back on Halloween for another Joking Keggar)
What did the butt cheek say to the other when you open us a big order of "choochie man" comes out?
A depressed guy walks into a utensil store and finds a knife, but he didn't stab himself... Part 2 coming out tomorrow.
Me: Stops the quiet kid from getting bullied.
Him: Don't come to school tomorrow, trust me.
Me: "/"