Clothing jokes

Little Johnny runs up to his mother and says, "Mommy, mommy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs and my ball got away and into your closet, and when I went to get it, daddy came in with the lady next door and they started hugging and kissing and the lady next door took off daddy's clothes and daddy took off the clothes from the lady next door, and they both got into your bed, and the lady next door got on top of daddy and started...". The mother cuts him off and says "Just stop right there. You wait until your daddy comes home so you can tell him everything you just told me." Couple hours later the father arrives and walks through the door to find his wife and child with bags packed. She walks up to him and slaps across the face shouting "I'm leaving you... Go ahead Johnny, tell him what you told me earlier." Johnny steps forward to tell his daddy. "Daddy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs and my ball got away and into your closet, and when I went to get it, you came in with the lady next door and you both started hugging and kissing and the lady next door took off your clothes and you took off the clothes from the lady next door, and you both got into your bed, and the lady next door got on top of you and started doing the same thing mom did with uncle Joe last summer."

Why did the sperm cross the road? ———— because I put on the wrong sock today.

Where do rape victims buy their clothes from?

The kids section.

She wears short skirts, I wear t-shirts, and we're both getting sent home from school because it's distracting to boys, apparently.

What’s the difference between a priest and target?

Nothing, they both have children’s pants half off.

What do you call a mouse with sneakers?

Squeakers!

What did the policeman say to his belly button?

You're under a vest.

The Smithsonian has 3 notable articles of clothing on display: Mr. Rodger's sweater, Jerry Seinfeld's puffy shirt, and Stephen Hawking's drool rag.

Horrible Jokes, Part One- A friend of mine got into photographing salmon in different clothing. He said he liked shooting fish in apparel.

Yo mama so fat, she has to use pillowcases for socks.

Why do horny, deaf girls wear tight pants?

So you can read her lips.

I saw a kid on the curb while I was on a walk, and he was in baggy clothes, and I said, "Are you an orphan?" He said, "Yeah." And the orphan said, "What gave me away?" I said, "Ur parents."

Why do fathers take an extra pair of socks when they go golfing?

In case they get a hole in one!

"Mommy, mommy, where's my school dress... ewww!"

"Shut up and leave the bedroom."

Call me a worn-out sweater because I’m hanging on by a thread.

That’s about to become a rope around my neck.

Why was the homeless lady only wearing one sock?

She started her period.

Why do girls wear classic rock T-shirts? Because they are stupid little bitches who need to grow some fashion sense because wearing old shit doesn't make you unique.

What did one saggy boob say to the other?

"We better start getting some support around here, or people are gonna think we're nuts!"

You're so skinny, you use chapstick as deodorant.

What kind of shoes do pedophiles wear?

White Vans!