Clothing jokes
What did the cucumber say to the bell pepper that wasn't wearing enough clothes?
You need more dressing.
You're so skinny, you use chapstick as deodorant.
What kind of shoes do pedophiles wear?
White Vans!
A note for my History Teacher:
Frick frack apple jack tic tac sick sack Mr. Khan and give him a big fat whack 'cause his teaching's got lack, his system I will hack and through the screen I'll give him a smack. I'll throw him on the clothing rack. On his seat I'll put thumb tacks, I'll break his momma's back... and he'll never come back.
Why does Michael Jackson like to shop at Walmart?
Little boys' pants are half off!
Why did Michael Jackson rush over to K-Mart one morning?
Because he heard little boys' pants were half off!
Where do sheep go to shop?
Woolmart.
To the man in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket: you can hide, but you can’t run.
How do you get a nun pregnant?
You dress her up as an altar boy.
Yo momma so stupid... weather man says it's chilly outside... instead of a jacket, she gets a bowl and spoon!
How do you get a nun pregnant?
Dress her up as an altar boy.
There was an Indian riding in the desert when he saw a little blond-haired white girl up ahead. He heard her crying. So he went up to her and climbed down from his horse and asked her, "Hey, what’s going on? Why are you crying? Where are your parents? What happened?"
The girl said in a crying, sad voice, "The bandidos came, killed my father, my brothers, then my mother, and raped my sister."
The Indian just laughed, untied and dropped his breechcloth, then said, “Guess this isn’t your day, is it?”
One day, little Sally hears the phone ringing. She picks it up.
"Hello, this is daddy, Sally. Is your mom nearby?"
Sally says, "No, she's upstairs with Uncle John."
"Uncle John? I don't know an Uncle John."
"No, no, no, you must be mistaken, daddy."
"No, I'm sure there's no one named Uncle John in our family."
"Okay, but why did you call?" Says Sally.
"Ummm, no reason, just tell mommy that daddy's pulling into the driveway right now."
"Okay daddy!"
*long pause*
"Okay daddy! I did it!"
"Great job Sally! What did she say?"
"Mommy said OH FU.. and then she ran around with no clothes on and tripped on the carpet and hit her head on the bookshelf. She's now resting it looks like... then Uncle John screams and jumps out the window into the swimming pool, but of course we took all the water out this winter..."
Then dad replies "Swimming pool? We don't have a... is this 468-1843?"
What do you call a group of black people?
A hoodie.
What do you call a shoe made out of a banana?
A slipper.
What do you call a stupid mannequin?
A dummy.
Why did the golfer change his pants?
Because he got a hole in one!
What's the most optimistic blood type? B+.
What disease causes wrinkled clothes? An iron deficiency.
They told me a mask was enough to get into the supermarket.
They lied, everybody else was also wearing pants.
What does the woman say to the cannibal at the fashion show?
"Who are you wearing?"