Clean jokes
Jake: Can I go outside?
Mom: Did you clean your room?
Jake: No.
Mom: Then f*ck no.
Jake: Alright, bet.
(Brother named No)
I cleaned my room today. While sweeping under the bed, I heard my mop collide with something. To my surprise, I found Pristiano Penaldo hiding under my bed! My dad said, “Don’t bother sweeping him son, he’s been dusted for years.” I was shocked but not surprised.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Maserati.
Maserati who?
Why don't you clean up this Maserati?
Back the halls with gasoline, la la la la la.
Light a match and watch it gleam, la la la la la.
My school is burnt into ashes, fa la la la la, la la la la.
Why did the rapper take a bath before his concert?
To get his flow SQUEAKY CLEAN!
Memes
How does Stephen Hawking get clean?
He uses Tesco car wash.
Who do you call to clean up foul language?
A cuss-todian!
If you're cleaning a vacuum cleaner, does that make you the vacuum cleaner?
If you drop soap on the floor, is the floor clean, or is the soap dirty?
I don't see why women are complaining about the glass ceiling. I mean, if they reach high enough, they can clean it...
Why can’t orphans watch clean nice content? Because they are family friendly.
Q: What do you call a clean idiot?
A: Soap on a Dope.
What does having sex with a woman and cooking an egg in a skillet have in common?
Both end with a loud annoying sound and a gooey mess to clean the shit up.
Mom: Go clean your room, Little Johnny.
Little Johnny: No, it’s my room.
Mom: Well, it’s my house.
Little Johnny: Then go clean it.
Mom: Go to school!
At school:
Teacher: Hi, Little Johnny. You’re late.
Little Johnny: Watch because my son of a bitch mom told me to clean her room. I told her no, it’s my room, and then she said, 'Well, it’s my house.' Then I said, 'Go clean it,' and then she told me to go to school.
Teacher: Johnny, go to the principal’s office! You just came into school and now you're causing trouble. Go!
Today, my mother was making breakfast. As she was tired, my brother asked if there was anything to do today.
She responded with a list:
- Take out the trash.
- Clean your room.
- Make lunch and be sure to butter the electrical sockets.
That’s all sweetie!
Your friend took a shower and used Pantene, but I got a watermelon to keep me clean.
The other day all those toilet papers came by my house and asked do I have any crack candy. Naw, I don't have no damn crack candy or no crack apples. All I have here in the backyard is a peanut butter crack sandwich. Help yourself, and while you're at it, clean up all the damn doggie dodo that's everywhere. Thank you, Mr. Toilet Papers.
What do pigs use to clean up? Hogwash.
I think I might apply for a job cleaning mirrors.
It’s a job I can see myself doing.
So I walked into my bathroom to clean some stuff, and no one ever told me you can't put phones in the bathtub!