Cigarette

Cigarette Jokes

I don't blame Amber Heard for wanting Elon Musk. Especially if Johnny Depp is hairy and smells like a port-o-potty full of cigarettes and gunsmoke.

what do eating a watermelon, rolling a cigarette, and eating a hippie chick out have in common. spit, spit, spit

Little Johnny walks out to the garage, and sees Dad smoking a cigarette... He asks, "Hey Dad, can I have a puff of that cigarette??" Dad asks, "Well Johnny, can your dick reach your ass??" Little Johnny scratches his head and thinks about it for a moment... He then replies, "Well, No Dad, my dick can't reach my ass"... His Dad says, "There's your answer, Johnny..." Little Johnny goes back in the house...

About an hour later Little Johnny comes back out to the garage, and sees his Dad drinking a beer... He asks, "Hey Dad, can I have some of that beer??" Dad asks, "Well Johnny, can your dick reach your ass??" Little Johnny scratches his head and thinks about it for a moment... He then replies, "Well, No Dad, my dick can't reach my ass"... His Dad says, "There's your answer, Johnny..." Little Johnny goes back in the house...

About an hour later Little Johnny comes back out to the garage with a BIG plate of Tollhouse Chocolate Chip cookies, fresh from the oven... His Dad says, "WOW Johnny, those sure look like some good cookies... You think I can have some??" Little Johnny asks his Dad, "Well Dad, can your dick reach your ass??" His Dad scratches his head and thinks about it for a moment... He then replies, "Well, Yes Johnny, I do believe my dick can reach my ass"... Little Johnny says, "Well Dad, you can go FUKC yourself, cuz Mom made these cookies for me!!!"...

Little Johnny was staying at his grandparents house and he asked his grampa can I a cigarette and his grampa said well can your dick touch your asshole he said no. Then that's your answer. A little bit later little Johnny asked for a beer his grampa said well can you dick touch your asshole he said a I already said no. Well that your. Later he was complaining to his grandma and she him cookies. His grandpa came up to him and said can I have a cookie little Johnny said well can your dick touch your asshole his grampa said well yes it can and little Johnny said well go fuck yourself old man because these are my cookies.

I just threw some cigarette butts on the ground while I was driving. I wasn't clean after this.

Walk The Dinosaur-By watersharky Productions and Was(Not Was)- Boom boom acka-lacka lacka boom Boom boom acka-lacka boom boom It was a night like this forty million years ago I lit a cigarette, picked up a monkey skull to go The sun was spitting fire, the sky was blue as ice I felt a little tired, so I watched Miami Vice And walked the dinosaur, I walked the dinosaur Open the door, get on the floor Everybody walk the dinosaur Open the door, get on the floor Everybody walk the dinosaur Open the door, get on the floor Everybody walk the dinosaur Open the door, get on the floor Everybody walk the dinosaur I met you in a cave, you were painting buffalo I said I'd be your slave, follow wherever you go That night we split a rattlesnake and danced beneath the stars You fell asleep, I stayed awake and watched the passing cars And walked the dinosaur, I walked the dinosaur Open the door, get on the floor Everybody walk the dinosaur Open the door, get on the floor Everybody walk the dinosaur Open the door, get on the floor Everybody walk the dinosaur Open the door, get on the floor Everybody walk the dinosaur One night I dreamed of New York You and I roasting blue pork In the Statue of Liberty's torch Elvis landed in a rocket ship Healed a couple of leapers and disappeared But where was his beard? A shadow from the sky much too big to be a bird A screaming crashing noise louder than I've ever heard It looked like two big silver trees that somehow learned to soar Suddenly a summer breeze and a mighty lion's roar I killed the dinosaur, I killed the dinosaur Open the door, get on the floor Everybody kill the dinosaur Open the door, get on the floor Everybody kill the dinosaur Open the door, get on the floor Everybody kill the dinosaur Open the door, get on the floor Everybody kill the dinosaur

Boom boom acka-lacka lacka boom Boom boom acka-lacka boom boom

A young 38 year old happy Muslim migrant living in Sydney wants to wed a beautiful young bride. He asks the local Aussie the minimum age to wed his yet unchosen bride. "Eighteen" the Aussie says, sipping a beer. "She has to be Eighteen". Okay the Muslim man sighed, with disappointment and walks off. Next day he arrives with a 13 year old girl. "Wtf are you doing" Aussie says? You say this is okay" Muslim replied. "Fuck no she must be at least Eighteen you sick bastard" says Aussie, flicking away his Winnie Blue cigarette. Muslim man leaves angrily. Next day Happy Muslim settles on a 14 year old girl from Punchbowl to be his bride. Aussies jaw drops, "what is wrong with you mate?" asks Aussie. Muslim man replies "You tell me to choose 'a teen', 'a teen', I chose a teen and now you come for my third and now fourth choice. Fuck you!" Aussie: "Eighteen not 'a teen' you sick mongrel.

I am a God Na, na, na, na, na, na Yeah She's got makeup by the mirror in her bedroom Thigh-high fishnets and some black boots Nose pierced with the cigarette perfume Half dead, but she still looks so cute She is a monster in disguise And she knows all the words to the trap songs Takes pic's with a cherry-red lipstick Says she only dates guys with a big..., mmm

A guy once went hunting at a Hunting Ranch owned by a Hunter and his Wife .After a long day of hunting, the hunter enjoys a couple of cold ones in Rancher’s Living-room .There they were having a grand ole until the Rancher’s wife walks in .The Hunter looks at her and says “that’s a nice piece of ass you got your self there”,The Rancher replied “(with a harsh southern accent from years of cigarette smoke)You’ve never been so right in your life ,honey why don’t show our guest your tits”,.She agrees and then shows the hunter her plump DD cup breast.After he gets a good gander he says “Nice”,then Rancher shouted “show em yer peker now Hon”,.She agreed and whipped out a 13inch Johny ,and twirled it around like how an Elephant would move his .Now dazed and confused the Hunter yells out “What in Sam Hill is that!!”,and the Rancher replied “Now....Lemme tell you..There ain’t a thing like it”.