Children jokes

Why are orphans terrible at baseball? They never get home runs.

What's the difference between a road bump and children crossing the road?

A road bump will make you slow down when you drive over it.

What time do babies get dirty?

Playtime.

When you reconstruct Michael Jackson and Lil Nas X to wreak havoc on preschool.

Motherhood is a fairytale in reverse. You start in a beautiful gown and end up cleaning everyone's messes.

My kids told me to have a good day, so I left them to their own devices and hoped for the best.

I love you, Explain Bear. Please bear my children.

An American mother has 3 children. The first child asked his mum: "Why is my sister called Crazy Horse and my brother Rushing Water?"

Mum: "Because those were the first thing I saw after i gave birth to them. Why are you asking all these questions, two dogs fucking?"

Person 1: "I love KFC."

Person 2: "Yeah, me too!"

Person 1: "How many have you gotten?"

Person 2: "How am I supposed to remember how many buckets of chicken I have ordered!?"

Person 1: "Chicken? What chicken? What do you think KFC stands for?"

Person 2: "Kentucky Fried Chicken?"

Person 1: "What? I thought it meant kidnapping foster children."

Person 2: "BLOODY WHATT??"

I was at a friend's place yesterday, and... There was a mother, father, three sons, and a daughter.

That night the mother and father started fucking each other. I yelled and told them there are innocent children in this house.

An hour later, they started up again. I walked to their room and they were asleep, so I looked in the brothers' room and all three brothers were fucking the sister.

I sighed at this. "Incest aside, you guys make a cute family." I started, "So Anna, when am I gonna have nieces and nephews?" They stopped instantly and went to sleep. "Thank you," I replied before walking back to my room they let me sleep in and I passed out for the rest of the night.

Funny jokes are like kids with autism.

They have special needs to make them.

Why don’t orphans have sex?

Because they have no one to call “daddy.”

Michael has canceled his upcoming dates. They were Tommy, age 9, and Bobby, 11.

A kid goes into a restaurant without parents, and a waitress came up and said, "You have to leave; this is a family restaurant."

Why is the last part of orphanage "age?"

Because it doesn't matter your age.

God, those orphans were putting up such a fight, I had to lock 'em in the basement.

A priest and Rabbi run out of the orphanage.

Priest: "How the hell did that fire start?"

Rabbi: "I don't know, but what about the children?"

Priest: "Fuck the children."

Rabbi: "Do we have time?"

Priest: "There's always time for something like that."

Q: Why do orphans like boomerangs?

A: They come back, unlike their parents.

What time is it when your kids stay home from school? S'no time!

A father is talking to his three kids.

Kid 1: Why is my name Rose?

Dad: Because when you were a kid, a rose fell on your head.

Kid 2: Why is my name Lily?

Dad: Because a lily fell on your head when you were a baby.

Kid 3: Auughhghhhggghhh!

Dad: Oh hey, Brick.