Children jokes

Motherhood is a fairytale in reverse. You start in a beautiful gown and end up cleaning everyone's messes.

My kids told me to have a good day, so I left them to their own devices and hoped for the best.

So I saw a bag full of children near a dumpster. I guess we know where the orphans are when the parents didn’t want them.

Wouldn’t want to hope a Catholic priest comes along, otherwise the priest will have new sex toys.

What do parents feeding their kids and terrorists have in common?

“Here comes the airplane!”

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Not your parents :) so kawaii fr.

When you reconstruct Michael Jackson and Lil Nas X to wreak havoc on preschool.

What's the difference between a shopping bag and Michael Jackson?

One is white, made of plastic, and dangerous for children. The other is for groceries.

I love you, Explain Bear. Please bear my children.

If being sexy were a crime, you better lock me up.

Not because I'm sexy, but because I have 5 dead children in my basement.

An American mother has 3 children. The first child asked his mum: "Why is my sister called Crazy Horse and my brother Rushing Water?"

Mum: "Because those were the first thing I saw after i gave birth to them. Why are you asking all these questions, two dogs fucking?"

Person 1: "I love KFC."

Person 2: "Yeah, me too!"

Person 1: "How many have you gotten?"

Person 2: "How am I supposed to remember how many buckets of chicken I have ordered!?"

Person 1: "Chicken? What chicken? What do you think KFC stands for?"

Person 2: "Kentucky Fried Chicken?"

Person 1: "What? I thought it meant kidnapping foster children."

Person 2: "BLOODY WHATT??"

I was at a friend's place yesterday, and... There was a mother, father, three sons, and a daughter.

That night the mother and father started fucking each other. I yelled and told them there are innocent children in this house.

An hour later, they started up again. I walked to their room and they were asleep, so I looked in the brothers' room and all three brothers were fucking the sister.

I sighed at this. "Incest aside, you guys make a cute family." I started, "So Anna, when am I gonna have nieces and nephews?" They stopped instantly and went to sleep. "Thank you," I replied before walking back to my room they let me sleep in and I passed out for the rest of the night.

Funny jokes are like kids with autism.

They have special needs to make them.

Why don’t orphans have sex?

Because they have no one to call “daddy.”

God, those orphans were putting up such a fight, I had to lock 'em in the basement.

Michael has canceled his upcoming dates. They were Tommy, age 9, and Bobby, 11.

A priest and Rabbi run out of the orphanage.

Priest: "How the hell did that fire start?"

Rabbi: "I don't know, but what about the children?"

Priest: "Fuck the children."

Rabbi: "Do we have time?"

Priest: "There's always time for something like that."

A kid goes into a restaurant without parents, and a waitress came up and said, "You have to leave; this is a family restaurant."

Why is the last part of orphanage "age?"

Because it doesn't matter your age.

Q: Why do orphans like boomerangs?

A: They come back, unlike their parents.