Children

Children jokes

Pineapple

    • Johnny had 55 pineapples. He threw three at his friend. How many does he have now?

    None, because he was pistol whipped then shot at point blank range with a sawed off shotgun covered in fluoroantimonic acid which burned a hole in his skull causing his brain to melt and rupture nerve cells all over his friends. Then his arms and legs were stuffed into a wheat thresher which was used to harvest the meat of the enslaved children. Then his corpse was molested.

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    • Hillary

    • If Hillary and Biden got locked in a room together, all they would talk about is how to ruin America and make a plan to steal children.

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    • Children memes

    Kid

    • My kids told me to have a good day, so I left them to their own devices and hoped for the best.

    Crime

    • If being sexy were a crime, you better lock me up.

    Not because I'm sexy, but because I have 5 dead children in my basement.

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    • School Shooter

    • When 9/11 happened, we changed our airport policies. When school shootings happen, we haven't changed anything since the shooting at Columbine in 1999. And we say we want the children to be safe.

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    • Marijuana

    • Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high and grabbed her thigh and said, "You know you wanna."

    Jill said yes and lifted up her dress. They had some fun.

    But silly Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a son.

    Difference

    • What's the difference between a road bump and children crossing the road?

    A road bump will make you slow down when you drive over it.

    Sexuality

    • 1st daughter: Dad, I'm lesbian!

    Dad: Oh, OK!

    2nd daughter: I'm also lesbian.

    Dad: WTF, does any 1 in this family love dicks?!?

    Son: I do...

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