Children jokes
What do you call a five year old with no friends?
A Sandy Hook survivor.
Man, don't you hate it when you hit a speed bump by an orphanage but then realize there's no speed bumps here...
What do you call a convict in prison for touching little girls? A boy named Brandon.
1.) What’s yellow and can’t swim?
- A bus full of children.
2.) Did you hear about the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
- He died of a yeast infection.
3.) I will never forget my grandad’s last words...
- “You’re still holding the ladder, right?”
4.) I have a fish that can breakdance...
- Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.
5.) Give a man a match and he will be warm for a few hours...
- Light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
One day, little Johnny was playing with his toys and looked out the window. He saw the neighbor's kid laying face-first in the grass, not breathing.
Little Johnny continued to shoot his nerf gun at the neighbor's big booty cheeks. No movement at all. After little Johnny went to get a snack, he looked out the window again and the kid was gone.
Little Johnny went to the neighbors and said, "I'm sorry to hear that your child has gone missing."
How much?
What is 3 feet tall and sits at the bottom of children's beds?
A: Garry Glitter's boots.
Welcome to Jimmy's orphanage and pizza shop, where today's loss is a sauce. How may I help you?
"Kidnapping is just surprise adoption, congrats! You are now all my children! Just hop into the portal that leads to the Lust Ring in Hell!"
Why do orphans like apples? Because they get picked.
Why am I banned from my Catholic orphanage?
Because the children kept calling me "daddy."
I saw a kid crying in the corner of the room and I said, "Are you OK? Where are your parents?" and he started crying even more.
I love working in an orphanage.
We should not stop orphan jokes. They're funny as fuck.
Why do orphans always get picked on?
They can't run and tell their parents.
Why do orphans play tennis? Because that's the only thing they love.
Little Johnny walks in on his mom taking a shower and slips and falls under her, and he says, "What's that, Mama?" She says, "That's just an old bear." He says, "He's a mean bear." She says, "Why's that?" He says, "He's got blood in on eye and shit in the other."
What is one word orphans can't spell?
Family.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They never hit home.
Why do pedos hate corona? Because they have to stay two meters away from children. 😈
What do you call a little boy with no arms and no legs?
Names.
Johnny had 55 pineapples. He threw three at his friend. How many does he have now?
None, because he was pistol whipped then shot at point blank range with a sawed off shotgun covered in fluoroantimonic acid which burned a hole in his skull causing his brain to melt and rupture nerve cells all over his friends. Then his arms and legs were stuffed into a wheat thresher which was used to harvest the meat of the enslaved children. Then his corpse was molested.