Childhood jokes

"Mommy, Mommy! Are we going to live forever?"

"Only in your dreams."

Why can’t an orphan play baseball? Because he can’t find home.

Why can't an orphan play baseball?

He doesn't have a home to go to.

Why can't orphans play baseball?

They can't find home plate.

One of my earliest memories is seeing my mother's face through the oven window as we played hide and seek, and she said: "You're getting warmer!"

My kid runs in today to tell me that he found a floating cow, but when he got me to come and see, all I saw was a piñata with a tail and white spots. Such a stupid child. So after that I gave him a nice refreshing drink from the toilet and a few of those chocolate sprinkles. (: I'm such a good parent...

Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they don't know where home is...

My mum found a chest that was wet, and it had a child in it. She asked me what it was for. I said I put kids in it and chuck it in a river until they are dead.

I still can’t forget that tiny little dead fish in my blue lunchbox.

Hiiiiiiiii, I said, Man, want candy? Me, YESSSSSS! Me, gets kidnaped.

What's an orphan's least favorite joke?

Yo mama!

Why are orphans so scared of the dark?

The dad can't check the closet for them.

If you're ever bored, beat up an orphan, what are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

Why can’t an orphan play baseball?

He doesn’t know where home is.

One orphan said, "Daddy, chill." I was like, "You don't have a dad!"

Why can’t orphans play baseball?

It’s because they can’t find home plate.

This is my fidget spinner, I got it in my Easter basket.

What's yellow and blue and found at the bottom of a pool? A baby with slashed floaties.

Lil Johnny looked in his pants and couldn’t find his fish, so he started to yell out, "Lil fishy, lil fishy, lil fishy!" They called child support and sent the parents to jail for putting a fish up a child’s butt.

Mom: Go clean your room, Little Johnny.

Little Johnny: No, it’s my room.

Mom: Well, it’s my house.

Little Johnny: Then go clean it.

Mom: Go to school!

At school:

Teacher: Hi, Little Johnny. You’re late.

Little Johnny: Watch because my son of a bitch mom told me to clean her room. I told her no, it’s my room, and then she said, 'Well, it’s my house.' Then I said, 'Go clean it,' and then she told me to go to school.

Teacher: Johnny, go to the principal’s office! You just came into school and now you're causing trouble. Go!