Child jokes

What is the one word orphans don’t know? Homework.

How do you make an 8 year old girl cry twice?

Wipe your bloody cock off on her favorite teddy bear.

If you hit a child, that's child abuse.

If you hit a family member, that's abuse.

If you kill either, it's murder for some reason.

If it's a whole family, it's genocide for another reason.

I will never forget my mother and father's last words.

"Where the Sam hell did you get a grenade?"

I went to the orphanage and yelled "your mama" jokes.

From your mom.

What do you do when you're sad? Kick an orphan!

What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

"Peado van, peado van, stay away, peado van, peado van, take her away."

I can't afford food, I can't afford childcare, might as well just get the money out of her.

What did the orphan say to his father?

Nothing, he doesn't have one.

I raped a disabled child.

I think she's too far gone to repair now.

Why can't orphans play baseball?

They can't find home.

How do Chinese people name their children?

They throw pots and pans down the stairs and listen for the sounds, "Ching Chong Chang."

I play saxophone, and I like to tell everyone I am a registered s/o (short for saxophone operator) in hopes of one day starting a jazz band, but now everyone looks at me weird, and when I go to house parties to perform, everyone hides their children, but little do they know I LOVE children. For some reason, I got multiple restraining orders because I said, “I want to touch the kids so they can one day become musicians themselves... like Michael Jackson.” I have then since moved from my hometown to Florida, where I can meet up with other s/o’s, and surprisingly, they have similar stories to me, but they say they have never even touched a saxophone, but they do like touching kids, which I’m all down for, just me and my buddies showing the new youth their abilities.

Update: i figured out what they meant by s/o is not the same as my s/o :(

There was once a grandfather. He had very little hair, and he lived in a forest.

On his death bed, he was fully bald. So he told his children, "You see my head? I have no hair. All of my hair has been wiped, and I hope this forest doesn't experience the same. Children, every time a tree is cut in this forest, plant a new one in its place."

So for years, and to this day, that forest still stands, each tree being replanted. All because of an old man and his re-seeding hairline.

I was driving through a neighborhood when I saw a sign that said "Autistic Child Zone." Then I thought to myself, "Oh shit, that wasn't a dog!"

Here is a dark joke for you guys... "Why do pornstars scream, "DADDY!" in their videos? Because they were child molested by their father!"

I gave a blind kid a gun and said it was a hair dryer.

What’s yellow and can’t swim?

A school bus full of children.

Little boy: Are you an orphan?

Orphan: Yes, what gave me away?

Little boy: Your parents.

What do you call a baby kangaroo? Joey.

What do you call a 6 year old named Joey? Supper.

If you're ever bored, just beat up an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?