Child jokes
What’s the difference between a baby and a refrigerator?
The refrigerator doesn’t squeal when I put my meat in it.
What is an Iraqi kid's favorite game?
Minesweeper.
What spooky creature has children?
Mummies.
Me: Are you an orphan?
Boy: Yeah, what gave me away?
Me: ....ur parents.
Personally, I think putting beans on toast is better than bullets in children.
Little boy: Are you an orphan?
Orphan: Yes, what gave me away?
Little boy: Your parents.
Mom, Mom, I'm holding my little brother's hand.
Little Johnny, good! But he's not "bien" yet.
On a scale of Johnny Depp having an erectile dysfunction to Michael Jackson exposing himself in a child day care center, how hard is it to get into Oxford?
Q. What's the difference between my phone battery and an anti-vax kid?
A. Nothing, they both die at ten.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
'Cause they can't find home.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
An apple actually gets picked.
"What did the blind, dumb, paraplegic, dead, eight-year-old child get for their birthday?"
"Cancer."
"Dude, can you believe Republicans are opposed to homosexuality, women's rights, and immigration, yet they are silent when it comes to incest and child molestation?"
"Well, I'm not surprised. Republicans have to win the Alabama vote, or else."
What's better than seeing a baby swing around on a clothesline at 60km/h? Stopping it with a cricket bat.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't find home.
Q: What's the difference between me and a priest? A: A priest isn't turned on by dead children.
What do Catholic priests and JCPenny's have in common?
Little boys' pants half off.
An African man was walking in New York when he saw a sign that said, "Watch out for children."
He started laughing hysterically, then a white man asked him, "Why are you laughing?"
He said, "In Africa, they would never put up a sign like that."
Have a child you don't want? Just drop them off at a school they don't know and drive away.
There are 206 bones in the human body.
207 when I'm at a nursery.