Child jokes
For 15 cents a day, you can feed an African child. They eat spare change, I guess.
If your parents never had children, chances are, you won't either.
What song do supportive parents of a closeted child love?
“The Son Will Come Out Tomorrow.”
What is red and very rare?
A child in a blender.
Alle Kinder hiessen Melissa, ausser Kurt, han hed det "grime Kurt bombomn".
When your wife gets pregnant and you don't want a kid, just come on down to Momma Mia's Pizzeria and abortion clinic!
Random person: "What's one thing your ex gave you that you can't get rid of?"
Man: *Shows a picture of his child.*
What's the leading cause of pedophilia? Sexy children.
What did the parents rearrange the furniture to punish a child?
Guess he was a stupid blind motherfucker 🖕 that didn't even know how to use a cane to figure out where they put the furniture.
What do orphans, parents, and trees have in common? They leafed.
Q: What's an orphan's favorite game?
A: The Sims 4, because then they can simulate having a family.
I pulled my kid out of school after a woke teacher taught my six-year-old about pronouns! Yesterday, it was "he/she," today, "they/it," tomorrow, "I/you/we!"
Where can't orphans park?
Parent child.
Little Johnny runs up to his mother and says, "Mommy, mommy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs and my ball got away and into your closet, and when I went to get it, daddy came in with the lady next door and they started hugging and kissing and the lady next door took off daddy's clothes and daddy took off the clothes from the lady next door, and they both got into your bed, and the lady next door got on top of daddy and started...". The mother cuts him off and says "Just stop right there. You wait until your daddy comes home so you can tell him everything you just told me." Couple hours later the father arrives and walks through the door to find his wife and child with bags packed. She walks up to him and slaps across the face shouting "I'm leaving you... Go ahead Johnny, tell him what you told me earlier." Johnny steps forward to tell his daddy. "Daddy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs and my ball got away and into your closet, and when I went to get it, you came in with the lady next door and you both started hugging and kissing and the lady next door took off your clothes and you took off the clothes from the lady next door, and you both got into your bed, and the lady next door got on top of you and started doing the same thing mom did with uncle Joe last summer."
One day, a snail got robbed by two turtles.
The cops arrived and arrested the woman for killing her cheating husband, and the son was sent to child services. (Moral - no one cares about the frkn snail and turtles!)
Son, why do I not have an Easter basket?
Mom, you're 23, you don't need one. Ends calls, child support.
Children are so ungrateful nowadays. I got my daughter a bike, but now she’s crying on the floor saying, “I don’t have legs!”
If you’re ever bored, punch an orphan.
What are they going to do? Tell their parents?
Why are orphans so bad at baseball?
Because they can’t get a home run.
Two pedophiles talking to each other:
"Do you got two fives for one ten?"