Child jokes

Do you want to know my motto when I’m bored?

Punch an orphan, who is he going to tell, his mom?

What is an orphan’s least favorite children’s game?

House.

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?

An apple gets picked.

What if Game of Thrones and Harry Potter antagonism had a child?

Coldemort!

What song do supportive parents of a closeted child love?

“The Son Will Come Out Tomorrow.”

Why are orphans so bad at baseball?

Because they can’t get a home run.

Kid: What is an orphan's favorite breakfast?

Teacher: What?

Kid: Fruity Pebbles with water.

Teacher: Why water?

Kid: 'Cause his dad never came back with the milk.

My girlfriend really wants me to get her pregnant so she would have a father figure in her life for once.

In 2001, my parents took me to 9/11. I was soaring towards it with excitement!

Me and my friends jumped some orphans. Who will they tell? Their parents?

What do you call an orphan family photo?

A selfie.

Me explaining my child: when your mom is sitting on a table during her period, it's called the periodic table.

Why was the orphan stupid?

Because his parents couldn't guide him.

Q: Why was the 4 year old anti-vaxer crying?

A: He was in a mid-life crisis.

Your birth certificate is like an apology from the condom factory...

What did the blonde say when someone says, "Your baby is so cute?"

"For the last time, I don't want to sign up my child for Tindergarten just yet!"

How many babies does it take to paint a wall?

It depends on how hard you throw them.

What’s yellow and can’t swim?

A bus full of children.

Q: What's the difference between me and a priest? A: A priest isn't turned on by dead children.

New skin unlocked: Blood splatter!

(Obtained by running over 69 children.)