Child jokes
Why do orphans love Home Alone?
They like to see a familiar picture.
I asked my dad why a grown man would play Pokémon Go?
He said “Wynaut.”
What did the mom say when her child came out?
"The head was so big!"
What’s the difference between a fruit and an orphan? One gets chosen :)
What is an animal that kids get for Christmas and can easily give to someone else?
A white elephant.
Memes
My 3 year old sister kept saying, "I like your cut, G." Every time she does, I dodge and close my eyes, but she's the one who always ends up running.
And Mary said God had given her a child, so Joseph went and joined Fathers For Justice.
Old woman: You are such a darling child. Please come and see me again next year.
A year later, as child walks up to the door of the old lady's house...
Old woman: Oh my! Goodness sakes, child! Have you grown, or have I shrank???
Child: Both.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
Because they can't find home.
Why did the child drop their ice cream?
They got hit by a bus.
Mom: I was an orphan once. The kid: Oh, ok, idgaf. Mom: And you're gonna be too! :) The kid: Ok, idgaf- WAIT WHAT THE FU-
What's breakdancing, twitching, and noisy?
A child with epilepsy.
My 1 year old nephew had a stroke. I know, sounds bad... but he would have needed to learn how to speak and walk anyways.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
It depends on how hard you throw them.
What’s yellow and can’t swim?
A bus full of children.
Q: What's the difference between me and a priest? A: A priest isn't turned on by dead children.
Why are orphans so bad at baseball?
Because they don’t know what a home looks like.
What song did Michael Jackson come up with after his first sleepover with the kid?
"Just Beat It."
Did you hear about the baby with cancer? It never gets old.