Child jokes
The mailman came to drop the mail off.
Me (son): I went and told my mommy that daddy is home.
Mommy tells me, "You got no daddy."
Then I say, "I hear you always call the mailman daddy."
When you ask your mom for candy but you grab from the wrong drawer...
Why did orphans play Poppy Playtime?
To get a family.
Why could not the 11 year old watch the pirate movie?
because it was rated RRRRGGGG.
I am guessing you don't understand :(
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
They don’t know where home is.
My wife and I have made a difficult choice and have decided we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details, and we can drop them off tomorrow.
Old woman: You are such a darling child. Please come and see me again next year.
A year later, as child walks up to the door of the old lady's house...
Old woman: Oh my! Goodness sakes, child! Have you grown, or have I shrank???
Child: Both.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
What did the blonde say when someone says, "Your baby is so cute?"
"For the last time, I don't want to sign up my child for Tindergarten just yet!"
What's the one upside to being an orphan?
You never have to worry about your jokes being family friendly.
What is an animal that kids get for Christmas and can easily give to someone else?
A white elephant.
My 3 year old sister kept saying, "I like your cut, G." Every time she does, I dodge and close my eyes, but she's the one who always ends up running.
And Mary said God had given her a child, so Joseph went and joined Fathers For Justice.
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
Because they can't find home.
Mom: I was an orphan once. The kid: Oh, ok, idgaf. Mom: And you're gonna be too! :) The kid: Ok, idgaf- WAIT WHAT THE FU-
Your birth certificate is like an apology from the condom factory...
Me and my friends jumped some orphans. Who will they tell? Their parents?
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
An apple gets picked.
Do you want to know my motto when I’m bored?
Punch an orphan, who is he going to tell, his mom?
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
It depends on how hard you throw them.