Child jokes
Why did the boy get run over?
Sally was driving.
I bet you're a child molester who got out of jail and is now sexually harassing kids such as Addison! Will fuck off and get a life, btw your roasts are not fucking funny, they're bullshit like your face and your hairline.
What does the child with no hands get for Christmas? Unknown. He hasn't opened it yet.
What does a homeless man in New York get for Christmas? Hypothermia.
It's April Fools' Day. I'm gonna go to the orphanage and tell kids, "Their parents are here to pick them up."
What’s the difference between an orphan and an apple? The apple gets picked.
Little Johnny catches his parents going at it and says, "Hey dad! Whatcha doin'?"
His father says, "I'm filling your mom's tank."
Johnny says, "Oh yeah, well, you better get a model that gets better mileage because the milk man filled her up this morning."
Bible Verse of The Day - For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father." The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children.
—Romans 8:15-16
Follow for candy, kids.
Like for pizza, kids.
Comment for kids.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't run home.
"I only want to play with your daughter. It was okay yesterday."
Q: What's an emo's favourite rapper?
A: Monoxide Child.
I have a brother and he told me this quote, "No wonder they had a second child, they messed up on the first one." He’s the second child... I’m the first...
Why do orphans play Sims?
Because they can make themselves a family.
Why do orphans have no bruises?
Because they have no dad to beat them.
How do Chinese parents name their children?
Dropping a pan down the stairs. Bing, Bong, Dong.
We are always joking around about being adopted, when really we are still living in the orphanage.
Why are orphanages like dogs?
Because they get adopted.
I gave a blind kid a gun and said it was a blow dryer.
When 9/11 happened, we changed our airport policies. When school shootings happen, we haven't changed anything since the shooting at Columbine in 1999. And we say we want the children to be safe.
One day, Little Johnny walks in on his dad getting dressed and asked, "What is that, Daddy?" Dad said, "Oh, that's my snake." The next day, Little Johnny walks in on his mom getting dressed and asks, "What is that?" Mom says, "That's my bushes." The next day, Little Johnny can't sleep, so he goes into his parents' room and asks Dad, "Why is your snake going into Mom's bushes?"