Child jokes
The mailman came to drop the mail off.
Me (son): I went and told my mommy that daddy is home.
Mommy tells me, "You got no daddy."
Then I say, "I hear you always call the mailman daddy."
What is an animal that kids get for Christmas and can easily give to someone else?
A white elephant.
My 3 year old sister kept saying, "I like your cut, G." Every time she does, I dodge and close my eyes, but she's the one who always ends up running.
And Mary said God had given her a child, so Joseph went and joined Fathers For Justice.
Old woman: You are such a darling child. Please come and see me again next year.
A year later, as child walks up to the door of the old lady's house...
Old woman: Oh my! Goodness sakes, child! Have you grown, or have I shrank???
Child: Both.
Memes
POV: That one kid tryna wink
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
Because they can't find home.
Why did the child drop their ice cream?
They got hit by a bus.
What's breakdancing, twitching, and noisy?
A child with epilepsy.
Mom: I was an orphan once. The kid: Oh, ok, idgaf. Mom: And you're gonna be too! :) The kid: Ok, idgaf- WAIT WHAT THE FU-
Your birth certificate is like an apology from the condom factory...
An officer confronts two congressmen.
He informs them, \"I’m looking for a couple of child molesters.\"
The two look at each other, turn to the officer and exclaim, \"Sure! We’ll do it!\"
What’s the difference between air and a six year old?
Air has resistance.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
It depends on how hard you throw them.
What’s yellow and can’t swim?
A bus full of children.
Q: What's the difference between me and a priest? A: A priest isn't turned on by dead children.
I took a special needs child to a shooting range.
Poor bastard had no idea which direction to run in.
Why are orphans so bad at baseball?
Because they don’t know what a home looks like.
What do you call a child version of Batman?
The Raped Crusader.
What's an orphan's favorite Roblox game?
Adopt Me!
What song did Michael Jackson come up with after his first sleepover with the kid?
"Just Beat It."