Child jokes

Have you heard about the pedophile who was found guilty of robbery?

- He robbed children of their innocence.

Pedophiles are fucking immature assholes.

Q: What did I find on my son's search history?

A: Where is the nearest gun shop?

What do you call a Catholic priest who molests children?

A Catholic priest.

What do an abortion and a baby have in common?

The mom doesn't want either of them.

A woman marries a man and has 7 children. The husband dies, and she marries another man. She has another 7 children, and later the husband dies. A year later she gets married again, and has another 7 children. She dies after a few months.

At the funeral, a man sees the priest looking at the heavens. He walks over and hears the man say, "They're finally together again." The man looks at the priest and says, "With her husband?" The priest looks at the man and says, "No, her legs."

A girl goes to a Church to confess.

Girl: "Forgive me father for I have sinned."

Priest: "What have you done my child?"

Girl: "I called a man a son of a bitch."

Priest: "Why did you call him a son of a bitch?"

Girl: "Because he touched my hand."

Priest: "Like this?" (as he touches her hand)

Girl: "Yes father."

Priest: "That's no reason to call a man a son of a bitch."

Girl: "Then he touched my breast."

Priest: "Like this?" (as he touched her breast)

Girl: "Yes father."

Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."

Girl: "Then he took off my clothes, father."

Priest: "Like this?" (as he takes off her clothes)

Girl: "Yes father."

Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."

Girl: "Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where."

Priest: "Like this?" (as he stuck his you know what into her you know where)

Girl: "YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!"

(after a few minutes)

Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."

Girl: "But father, he had AIDS!"

Priest: "THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!"

Why did the orphan cross the road?

To finally get his milk.

He is looking for children. If you don't know who EDP445 is, look him up.

Be careful around EDP445.

Michael Jackson is like if a Barbie doll and Bruno Mars had an ugly child together!

I'm jk btw Michael Jackson was amazing!

April Fool's joke: Go to an orphanage and tell them, "Their parents came back."

My favorite quote will always be, "Sketchy candy is better than no candy."

- One of the thousands of missing children.

I love bullying orphans. Who are they gonna tell? Their parents?

- Mommy, what will I be when I'm grown up?

- Shut up, Sam, you've got cancer!

When someone calls you, say this: "Hi, welcome to Dave’s Orphanage. You make them, we take them. How may I help you?"

You want to hear a dirty joke? Jonny played in the mud. You want to hear a clean joke? Jonny took a bath with bubbles. You want to hear a dirty joke? Bubbles was the next door neighbor.

Why do priests appreciate educated children?

They don't spit.

I feel sad for orphans. They can't watch Star Wars because it's parental guidance.

Little Johnny's mom is taking a shower. Little Johnny walks in and asks, "What is that in between your legs?" Mommy says, "That is my keyhole." The next day, Little Johnny sees his dad taking a shower and Little Johnny asks, "What is that in between your legs?" Daddy says, "That is my key." The next day Little Johnny says to his dad, "Looks like the neighbor has the key to Mommy's keyhole too."