Child jokes
I got my little girl a hand sewing kit for her birthday and she cried. I didn't understand why until I realized that she had no hands to sew with.
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?... one gets picked.
What do orphans be on Halloween?
They be themselves.
An orphan is like marriage. The kid is always the reason for divorce. The kid is always the reason for his parents leaving him.
I saw this little girl crying. I asked her where her parents were. She cried more, man, I love working at an orphanage.
What flour do you give an orphan?
Self-raising.
A Sunday school teacher asked her children on the way to service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" One little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."
Kelly Clarkson may be able to shed her weight [through pills], but she will never be able to shed the fact that she admitted herself that she molested her children when they were toddlers.
Dark humor never gets old, just like children with cancer.
One day Timmy walks in on his mum in the bath. Then he asks, “What’s that dark fuzzy thing, mummy?” and mum said, “It’s a bush, every girl has one!” Then the next day he walks in on his dad in the shower. So he asks, “Daddy, what’s that long thing?” The dad then says, “It’s a sexy boy” accidentally. Timmy asks his dad, “What does sexy mean?” And the dad says, “Your mother, of course,” making it seem like a child-friendly compliment. Then the next day at school Timmy wanted to compliment his teacher. He walks up to her and says, “You’re so so sexy!”
"One silent evening, a man walks to his fridge to get some food. He sets out a fork and napkin on the table. He reaches to grab a salad topped with olives and cheese. He sets the food down on the table and begins to add tomatoes, condiments, and..." He is interrupted. "Why are you saying this aloud?" A young boy asks his father. The father replies with, "You wanted to know how to live on your own, but I guess experience is more helpful," he says as he rushes the child out of the front door.
What did Mickey Mouse and Michael Jackson have in common?: (What *didn't* they have in common)
Same red shorts, theme park in their backyard, white glove, soft voices, loved children, they both were black with white faces.
How do you stop a baby from crawling around in circles? You nail its other hand to the ground.
Sonic says: "If you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?"
No one cares if you bully an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
What do you call a happy child swinging with her friends at recess?
Not Sally.
I saw a sign that said “Watch for children” and I thought, “That sounds like a fair trade.”
Hi, welcome to Dave's Orphanage. You make them, we take them. How may I help you?
What are the similarities between an orphan and a newborn plant?
Both their parents were separated.
How do you know when your girlfriend is too young?
You have to make airplane noises to get her to open her mouth.
Sorry.