Child jokes
My girlfriend called me a pedophile, I said that's a big word for a seven year old.
What is an orphan's favorite period? Homeroom.
There's a kid named Little Johnny who would always cuss. Well, one day, he was sitting in class and the teacher said, "Let's play a game." So the game was she calls out a letter and someone raises her hand and tells her a word that begins with that letter. The teacher says "A". Little Johnny raises his hand and the teacher thinks to herself, "Well, he might say something like a**." So the teacher calls on Sally. Sally says "apple". The teacher says "B". Little Johnny raises his hand. The teacher thought, "No, he might say something like b!tch." So the teacher goes all the way to R. The teacher says "R". Little Johnny raises his hand and says, "Me, me, please, I really know one." Then the teacher thinks to herself, "Well, there's no cuss word that starts with R," so she said, "Okay, Johnny, give me a word that starts with R." Little Johnny says, "A rat!" and the teacher, very pleased, says, "Very good, Johnny. What type of rat?" Little Johnny says, "A big gosh damn mother freaker."
Sorry, I had to edit some word, but y'all know what I meant.
So yesterday, I was at an orphanage, harassing children by twerking at them.
They burst into tears.
I was worried that they would call their mom, well... um... I got away.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends how hard you throw them.
Why did orphans want to commit a crime?
Because they wanted to see what it feels like to be wanted.
Orphan: "Why can’t I watch a PG movie?"
Me: "They are Parental Guidance."
You know a piranha can devour a small child in 30 seconds. Anyway, I lost my job at the aquarium today.
Children are like a box of Christmas decorations. I keep them in my basement until it’s time to hang them from a tree.
A miscarriage always brings the child out in me.
After 12, it's lunch. 😂
When I saw a girl sitting on the ground crying, I asked her where her parents were. She cried louder. That’s why I like to volunteer in an orphanage.
What do blind kids and orphans have in common?
Neither can see their parents.
An orphan walks into a supermarket, gets lost and calls for his mum, then remembers.
I was walking down Main Street when I saw a child.
I told him, "I will give you 20$ if you get my balls back from the vet."
He replied, "Why did they take your balls sir?"
"Beer plus going to the vet does not work well for everybody, especially when you're a furry."
A little boy decided to burn a house down. The father put his arm around his wife, tears in his eyes, saying, "That's arson."
What's the difference between putting a baby and a pizza in an oven?
The pizza doesn't scream in the oven.
Can an orphan go to a family restaurant?
A kid is watching TV and sees an ad about adopting an animal. He then turns to his mother and says, “Do we have to adopt a donkey?” “No,” replied the mom, “but we decided to do it... we adopted you.”
I told kids to make a family tree. God, I love working at the orphanages.