Child jokes
What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?
Special Forces.
What does a priest and a clown have in common?
They both make children cry.
Why can't a kid with ADHD shoot a gun?
Their focus is always off.
One day I was walking around, then saw this mom mad at her kid and screamed, "You're adopted!" He said, "Yeah, I know. My REAL mommy is still at home with daddy."
Little Johnny died.
Why can’t you kidnap an orphan?
Because you can’t steal what was never wanted in the first place.
What do you call a cross between a priest and a child?
The cross shoved up the priest’s ass as he ‘downward dogs’ the kid.
"Sir, I'm afraid your son can't attend our swimming lessons anymore."
"Why not?"
"He keeps peeing in the pool."
"Well, all kids pee in the pool."
"Not from the diving board!"
A miscarriage always brings the child out in me.
When I was a child, my parents told me my uncle was 'sleeping with the fishes.' At first, I thought he bought a water bed, but I then discovered he was killed and buried at sea.
What store does an orphan hate?
Family Tree.
Why does Aaron cry at night? His alcoholic father beats him.
Why can’t orphanage kids play baseball?
Cause they don’t know where home is.
Did you hear about Johnny Depp's shelter for abused women? It's going as well as Michael Jackson's children's hospital!
A priest and a rabbi run out of a burning church, and the priest says, "What about the children?" The rabbi says, "Fuck the children." And the priest says, "Do you think we'll have time?"
What's the difference between a child and a carrot? About 140 calories.
Why are orphans so skinny?
They never eat anything that is family size.
Broccoli is like anal sex.
If you're forced to have it as a child, you probably won't like it as an adult.
Why was Sally at the hospital after her parents left? Because they put her up for adoption.
Why was the orphan so successful? Because once someone told him "go big or go home," and he only had one option.