Child jokes
Why was Mozart a child prodigy?
All his early pieces were in A sharp minor.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall? It depends on how many you throw.
What did the make-a-wish kid say when the Avengers turn up without Tony Stark?
"We are in the endgame now!"
What animal has 5 legs?
A pitbull on a children's playground.
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?
The apple gets picked.
Children are like pills.
The smaller they are, the easier they are to take.
What do you call headphones that walk out on their children? Deadbeats.
God, when terminally ill children beg him to heal them:
God: No, I don’t want to.
What's the difference between child abuse and abandonment?
The abused ones are forced to listen while being abused, while abandoned kids cry because they don't have parents anymore.
Father talks to his 5-year-old son: “No, Petie, you don’t have to worry. There is no monster sleeping under your bed. It sleeps every day in the bed next to me.”
Why didn't the child go to school?
Because he died of a heroin overdose.
I just prevented a 10-year-old from getting assaulted.
Nothing much, I just decided to go home.
Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they can't find home.
Why can’t orphans play baseball? Because they can’t find home.
Walk up to an adopted kid and ask this, "How's your biological parents? Are they well?"
My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details, and we can drop them off tomorrow.
Orphans have 362 days in a year because they don’t have a Mother’s or Father’s Day and no birthday.
What do you call a child with no family?
Names.
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
Because they can't go home.
Why can't orphans play paintball?
Because they don't have parent supervision.