Child jokes
Why was Mozart a child prodigy?
All his early pieces were in A sharp minor.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall? It depends on how many you throw.
What did the make-a-wish kid say when the Avengers turn up without Tony Stark?
"We are in the endgame now!"
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?
The apple gets picked.
What do you call headphones that walk out on their children? Deadbeats.
What animal has 5 legs?
A pitbull on a children's playground.
What's the difference between child abuse and abandonment?
The abused ones are forced to listen while being abused, while abandoned kids cry because they don't have parents anymore.
God, when terminally ill children beg him to heal them:
God: No, I don’t want to.
Father talks to his 5-year-old son: “No, Petie, you don’t have to worry. There is no monster sleeping under your bed. It sleeps every day in the bed next to me.”
I just prevented a 10-year-old from getting assaulted.
Nothing much, I just decided to go home.
Children are like pills.
The smaller they are, the easier they are to take.
"Wubba Lubba Dub Dub" is one way to describe how my inner child acts, but yesterday I killed them. Now I hear "Wubba Lubba Dub Dub," I’m drowning in the tub.
What's an orphan's favorite movie?
"Home Alone."
Orphans have 362 days in a year because they don’t have a Mother’s or Father’s Day and no birthday.
What do you call a child with no family?
Names.
Why didn't the child go to school?
Because he died of a heroin overdose.
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
Because it can never find home.
The way to stop school shootings is to give children an RPG.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they can’t run home.
What is an orphan's first step to the orphanage?