Child jokes
There was a kid being mean to another kid at an orphanage. The kid said, "Stop!" but the mean one said, "What are you going to do? Call your mommy?"
What does McDonald's and a paedophile have in common?
They both like sticking their meat in ten-year-olds.
"When I was a child, my blind mother taught me hand jobs, like carpentry and painting with her legs."
Guess why orphans can't play baseball? Because they don't know what home is.
What's a pedophile's favorite part of a hockey game? Before the first period starts.
What is an orphan's least favorite TV show?
Family Feud.
What’s missing from an orphan's iPad?
The home button.
What's yellow and can't swim?
A school bus full of disabled children.
What is a pedophile's favorite dating site?
Kinder
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
Because they can't make a home run.
Why was Michael Jackson so loved? He touched so many children in so many special ways.
What do you call children born from incest?
Gross Domestic Product.
1 like = 1 more child in my basement.
"It never gets old."
"Just like a sick kid!"
Child: I am hungry.
Dad: Hi hungry, I am dad!!!
Child: *groans* *walks away*
Why did the orphan fall out of a tree?
They thought their parents would catch them.
What is yellow and can’t swim?
A school bus full of children.
(I want to apologize in advance. These are very dark jokes.)
What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
I was going to tell a dead baby joke, but I decided to abort.
Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? His wife is dead.
Why does Helen Keller hate porcupines? They’re painful to look at.
Why can’t orphans play baseball? They don’t know where home is.
Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes. The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.
My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends how hard you throw them.
Michael Jackson was on a boat with a bunch of children. The boat captain comes up to him and says, "Michael, we've come into some trouble and the boat is about to sink. We need to get off the boat right now." "But what about the children?" The captain said, "F*** them." Michael Jackson responded, "Is there enough time?"