So, this guy and his wife figure out that she has gotten pregnant. The baby is due March 31st. Well, the guy is at work and he gets a call from his wife. She tells him she is going into labor. He rushes to pick her up, and once he is on the road, he starts speeding. Eventually, he hits another car and swerves off the road into a ditch. He wakes up in the hospital, looks around but doesn’t see his wife. He asks the doctor, "Is my wife okay? She was carrying my child." The doctor said the wife is fine and the baby is in good health. 10 seconds later he goes, "APRIL FOOLS! Your wife is dead and your child has brain damage."
Orphan: "Why can’t I watch a PG movie?"
Me: "They are Parental Guidance."
Why are orphans so skinny?
They never eat anything that is family size.
The parents used to hit him.
His parents got into a car crash and died.
He became an orphan in an orphanage. The people there hit him. He looked up and said "Parents?"
Little Johnny was getting beaten up by two kids, so I came and helped.
He won’t stand against the three of us!
Why am I banned from my Catholic orphanage?
Because the children kept calling me "daddy."
Hey, what's your age, Jordan? Probably 5 years old.
Addison Banks Age (8)
"I'm a little brat who won't shut the hell up! And stop talking!"
What is the difference between a tall kid and an orphan? One is tall enough that their parents can see them.
What's the one upside to being an orphan?
You never have to worry about your jokes being family friendly.
What did the blonde say when someone says, "Your baby is so cute?"
"For the last time, I don't want to sign up my child for Tindergarten just yet!"
Do you know what a reverse exorcism is?
It's when the demon tells the priest to exit the child's body.
Who does an orphan play soccer with...
No one
The orphan started crying at school when he got suspended and had to go home.
Do you know the TV show "Naked and Afraid?" Well, that's what my grandpa and I played when I was young.
What’s an orphan's favorite event?
Homecoming.
A feather and a depressed boy fell at the same time, which one hits the ground first? The feather cause the rope stopped the child
I don't like the term "kidnapping." I prefer "surprise adoption."
What's the difference between drugs and children? I don't sell drugs.
What do you call an orphan home alone
A family reunion
