Have a sink in your house? Eat it. Have a mouse in your house? Kill it. Have a child in your house? M I C R O W A V E I T .
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just kidding now watch this video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y5tjtUFL0j4
A kid asks hims mom "mom how much do you love me" the mother responds with "i love you as much as i love your brother" the kid looks confused and says "but i don't have a brother" the mother smiles and says "well i guess my love is not existing
What type of flour do you buy an orphan? Self-raising.
LITTLE BOY: are you an orphan? ORPHAN: yes, what gave me away? LITTLE BOY: your parents
What do you call an orphan's family tree? A stump.
What’s the difference between a baby and a beet?
Beets stain your teeth.
I hated church growing up as a child. It was always standing, kneeling, sitting, standing, kneeling, sitting. I wish the priest would just pick a position and f*** me!
Broccoli is like anal sex.
If you're forced to have it as a child, you probably won't like it as an adult.
Kid: “Mom. What happened to jim?” Mom: He got inside a white van.”
As a child, my mother always told me she was going horse riding. My whole life changed when I found out she was under the horse.
Why did the child cross the road? To get to the church. Knock-Knock. Who's there? The Priest... Lets go to my office, because I'm totally not a pedophile.
What is the difference between a washing machine and a child?
The washing machine doesn't cry when you put a load in it.
My favorite quote will always be, "Sketchy candy is better than no candy."
- One of the thousands of missing children.
A kid is watching TV and sees an ad about adopting an animal. He then turns to his mother and says, “Do we have to adopt a donkey?” “No,” replied the mom, “but we decided to do it... we adopted you.”
I got my little girl a hand sewing kit for her birthday and she cried. I didn't understand why until I realized that she had no hands to sew with.
A man takes a boy into the woods boy says Boy: Mister I’m scared and it’s dark and cold The Man: How do you think I feel I’m walking out here alone
Father: "Son, you were adopted."
Son: "What?! I knew it! I want to meet my biological parents!"
Father: "We are your biological parents. Now pack up, the new ones will pick you up in 20 minutes."
My dad told me that his dreams were shattered a few years ago.
Then I asked him how many years ago.
He replied with, "When were you born?"
Dad: "Son, does mommy like having lady-friends over?"
Son: "Nah, mostly men."
Dad: "Do you think you'd be comfortable telling that to a judge in court?"
What do you call a baby that came out of their mothers womb? A VIRGIN
