Child jokes

Do you know why dead baby jokes are always funny?

They never get old.

What's the difference between onions and children? Nothing, when you cut one everyone around you cries.

Orphans are the best targets for bullying, since who are they gonna cry to? Their parents?

How do you get an orphan to go to sleep?

Tell them their parents are waiting when they wake up.

I was digging outside and I found my child's old toy, so I ran to find him, but I could not find him, so I was searching for about 6 hours, but then I remembered why I was digging......

A Down syndrome child is drowning, he calls for help with all of his voice: "Somebody help me!! I'm Downing!"

BA DUM TSS

What do you call a genderless child?

It's not a mister, it's not a misses, I'm more for a mystery.

I tried kidnapping a kid today and told him I was his dad's friend and I would take him home. He just curled up into a ball and started crying. Kidnapping must be easy.

What’s worse than three babies in one garbage can?

One baby in three garbage cans.

I was on a bus when this girl offered to blow me for $5.

...and never being a person to pass up a good deal, I gave her $5 and watched her do her thing. After she was finished she lit up a cigarette and started smoking right there on the bus.

I was disgusted. I thought to myself, "What is this world coming to? Who sells cigarettes to a 12 year old?"

How do you get a fat kid to lose weight?

You pay the ice cream man to keep on driving. IDK.

I got two cups of milk. One for me and one for my son.

We both drank them at the same time and tried not to puke. I won, since my son is face first on the table with his blood all over.

My son asked me how I'm so clean, "inside out." I told him because of bleach. The next day, I found him drinking the bleach.

Where did little Lucy go during the bombing?

Everywhere.

Why can't orphans play cricket?

Because they can't find home.

What happened when your parents dropped you off at the orphanage? They got sued for littering.

What is the difference between an apple and an orphan? Apples get picked.

What is an orphan's least favorite movie?

Spider-Man, because it told them there was no way home.

My wife and I just decided we don't want to have children.

So if anyone wants them, our contact information is below.

My girlfriend keeps calling me a pedophile. That’s a big word for a six-year-old.