Child jokes
How do you get a fat kid to lose weight?
You pay the ice cream man to keep on driving. IDK.
I got two cups of milk. One for me and one for my son.
We both drank them at the same time and tried not to puke. I won, since my son is face first on the table with his blood all over.
My son asked me how I'm so clean, "inside out." I told him because of bleach. The next day, I found him drinking the bleach.
Where did little Lucy go during the bombing?
Everywhere.
Why can't orphans play cricket?
Because they can't find home.
What happened when your parents dropped you off at the orphanage? They got sued for littering.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan? Apples get picked.
What is an orphan's least favorite movie?
Spider-Man, because it told them there was no way home.
My wife and I just decided we don't want to have children.
So if anyone wants them, our contact information is below.
My girlfriend keeps calling me a pedophile. That’s a big word for a six-year-old.
What is the difference between a preschool and my basement?
Little kids leave preschool.
What do pedophiles and Xboxes have in common?
They both get turned on by kids.
How do Chinese people get their names? Their parents throw woks down the stairs and name their children after the sound it makes.
So I punched an orphan...
What's he/she going to do? Tell his/her parents???
HAIKU JOKE:
Helen Keller could Fuck a blind man so hard that she Ends up with his child.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high and grabbed her thigh and said, "I know you wanna." Jack undressed, and she pulled up her dress so they could have some fun. But stupid Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a son.
What’s the difference between a priest and target?
Nothing, they both have children’s pants half off.
Why don't orphans get offended by dark humor jokes?
It can't hit home.
Mom! Mom! My classmates called me an orphan!
A teacher in Scunthorpe asks a class what their favorite football team is, saying, "Raise your hand if it is Scunthorpe." Every student but one raised their hand. The teacher asks, "Why don't you support Scunthorpe?" The child answers, "My parents support Grimsby, and so do I." The teacher comes back with, "Why are you copying your parents? What if your mum was a prostitute and your dad a druggie?" The child answers, "Then I'd support Scunthorpe like you dirty bastards!"