I tried kidnapping a kid today and told him I was his dad's friend and I would take him home. He just curled up into a ball and started crying. Kidnapping must be easy.
Child Jokes
What’s worse than three babies in one garbage can?
One baby in three garbage cans.
I was on a bus when this girl offered to blow me for $5.
...and never being a person to pass up a good deal, I gave her $5 and watched her do her thing. After she was finished she lit up a cigarette and started smoking right there on the bus.
I was disgusted. I thought to myself, "What is this world coming to? Who sells cigarettes to a 12 year old?"
How do you get a fat kid to lose weight?
You pay the ice cream man to keep on driving. IDK.
I got two cups of milk. One for me and one for my son.
We both drank them at the same time and tried not to puke. I won, since my son is face first on the table with his blood all over.
My son asked me how I'm so clean, "inside out." I told him because of bleach. The next day, I found him drinking the bleach.
Where did little Lucy go during the bombing?
Everywhere.
Why can't orphans play cricket?
Because they can't find home.
What happened when your parents dropped you off at the orphanage? They got sued for littering.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan? Apples get picked.
What is an orphan's least favorite movie?
Spider-Man, because it told them there was no way home.
My wife and I just decided we don't want to have children.
So if anyone wants them, our contact information is below.
My girlfriend keeps calling me a pedophile. That’s a big word for a six-year-old.
What is the difference between a preschool and my basement?
Little kids leave preschool.
What do pedophiles and Xboxes have in common?
They both get turned on by kids.
How do Chinese people get their names? Their parents throw woks down the stairs and name their children after the sound it makes.
So I punched an orphan...
What's he/she going to do? Tell his/her parents???
HAIKU JOKE:
Helen Keller could Fuck a blind man so hard that she Ends up with his child.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high and grabbed her thigh and said, "I know you wanna." Jack undressed, and she pulled up her dress so they could have some fun. But stupid Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a son.
What’s the difference between a priest and target?
Nothing, they both have children’s pants half off.
