Child jokes
Have you seen the Woody Allen v Mia Farrow series on HBO? If you like details about child molestation without having to do it yourself, boy do I have the show for you!
Alex: Dad, can we get me a little brother from the orphanage?
Dad: Sure, Alex! We're here!
Orphanage manager: Alex! You are so big now!
Alex: Dad, what is she talking about?!
What’s the difference between an orphan and an apple?
An apple gets picked.
What do you call an orphan family tree?
A tree stump.
Orphan: I finally have a father!
God: And who is that?
Orphan: You!
God: Who the hell is you? Well, it's not me.
Orphan: :l
I spit on an orphan. What is he going to do? Tell his parents?
Why are orphans bad at baseball? They can never find home.
So my dad walks into a bar and there was a hooker and a child. I was with him and they both approached us and they said only £50 for head but it was a little weird that the child was talking to my dad and the hooker was talking to me. I was about to say something but my dad pushed me over and my friend's uncle killed my dad.
The kid was never seen again. Her name was Madeleine McCann. I think I'm the only one who knows where she is, but overall the head from the hooker was good.
What flavor do you buy an orphan?
Self raising.
What is the difference between Michael Jackson and my uncle? Nothing, they both steal children.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
Apples get picked.
Why can’t an orphan play soccer?
If he can’t find home, he can’t find goal.
What's better than seeing a baby swing around on a clothesline at 60km/h? Stopping it with a cricket bat.
And Mary said God had given her a child, so Joseph went and joined Fathers For Justice.
What starts with M and ends with arriage?
Miscarriage. Now we all know that joke never gets old, and you know what?
Neither does the child.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
And to the parents of the lost boy named Timmy, we have found him, and now is your chance to make your escape. He really is a little shit, isn't he?
Children in the dark make mistakes.
Mistakes in the dark make children.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't find home.
Orphan
Child: Mom, someone told me you talk like an owl.
Teacher: Who?
Child: Oh, it is true, you do talk like an owl!