What does a pregnant teen and an aborted child have in common?
They both say, “My mom's gonna kill me!”
Child Jokes
Baby 🍼
Child: Goodnight Mommy. Goodnight Daddy. Goodnight Grandma. Goodbye Grandpa!
Dad: Wait, why are you saying that?
Child: I just felt like it.
The next day, the Grandpa is dead.
Dad: That's just a VERY scary coincidence.
Child: Goodnight Mommy. Goodnight Daddy. Goodbye Grandma.
Dad: Wait, why are you saying that?
Child: I just felt like it.
The next day, the Grandma is dead.
Dad: That's just a VERY scary coincidence.
Child: Goodnight Mommy, Goodbye Daddy!
Dad: Oh no. If I survive until tomorrow, everything will be okay!
Survives until tomorrow.
Dad: Whew! That was nice! *Goes to house*
Mom: Honey! I was so worried about you! The mailman just dropped dead on our porch!
(If you don't get it, the mailman is the biological father)
What’s yellow and can’t swim?
A bus full of children.
What do you call a happy child swinging with her friends at recess?
Not Sally.
How to tell your kid he's adopted:
Son, I'm a virgin.
The orphanage said I couldn't go home.
Your dad is gone.
What time do babies get dirty?
Playtime.
What do you call an orphan?
A bootysnagger45.
Why is Helen Keller's child blind too? She always fed it with a fork!
What's yellow and can't swim?
A school bus full of disabled children.
I know a little girl who once had an accident. When I asked her what her favorite song was, she responded with "🎶Head, shoulders, wheels, and frame! Wheels and frame!🎶"
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They can't find home.
A man is sitting on a bench at a playground where children are playing. A man named Chris comes up and asks, “Which one is yours?” The man said, “I don’t know, I’m still deciding.”
Why did the orphan cross the ride?
I forgot.
Hi, welcome to Dave's Orphanage. You make them, we take them. How may I help you?
What's the difference between a Doberman Pinscher and a Social Worker?
Eventually, you can get a baby back from a Doberman Pinscher.
If you're ever bored, just beat up an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
Why can’t orphanage kids play baseball?
Cause they don’t know where home is.
When you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
