Chemistry jokes
How do you make antifreeze?
You steal her blanket.
Atoms are untrustworthy little critters. They make everything up!
Are you made of Gold, Titanium, Sulfur, Titanium, and Carbon?
'Cause damn, you lookin' kinda Au Ti S Ti C.
"Harry Hicks smells of home. Homo is an infection, and infections are made up of atoms."
What do you call a rapper who's also a scientist?
RHYME-STEIN.
Memes
"Popcorn" means "Photo-Oxidant formation by Plant-emitted Compounds and OH Radicals in Northeastern Germany."
"HO" means a woman, in particular one who has many casual sexual encounters or relationships. So basically, popcorn is a woman in plant based sex encountered a lot in a nazi camp.
How do you make a hormone?
Don't pay her.
Why was the noble gas not emo?
Because they were thinking RIGHT.
What do you call two emos in a chemistry lab?
My Chemical Romance.
Hey girl, are you a scientist?
Cause you made my thing into a baking soda volcano.
Why did the oxygen molecules walk out of the singles bar with excitement?
Because she got Avogadro's number!
How did the Iron and Gold start dating?
They met on TINder.
Why did the biology teacher break up with the physics teacher?
Because there was no chemistry...
Did you hear about the song Rihanna wrote about the tin can?
It was called "S & N."
Do they call it rapeseed oil because it is lube?
Why should you never trust atoms?
Because they make up everything!
God, you're more toxic than white phosphorus.
I was writing my final exams, and I saw a question saying to name the smallest thing in the world. To my knowledge, I chose an atom.
My Chemistry teacher said it was PSG. I was shocked beyond repair. Shame on you, PSG, I'm now a college dropout!
I heard helium won the lottery. Turns out, he lied.
Did you hear that oxygen and magnesium hooked up last night?
OMg!