Me: Hey, mom? Why do we celebrate birthdays?
Mom: Because that's the day a new life was born, and people are born every day so every day is a special day.
My thoughts: And my friend wonders why I have depression...
How did they figure out what kind of shampoo Paul Walker used? They found his “head and shoulders” in the dash.
Why did you always see Michael Jackson wearing two white gloves?
Because masturbation is against Michael Jackson's religious beliefs.
This comment section is so dark, it could be Lil Huddy.
Cameron Boyce
Did you know that the Royal family like carnivals?
Princess Diana was really fond of bumper cars.
Girl playing outside: "Step on a line and you break your mommy's spine." She then steps on a line and her mother keels over screaming.
Girl playing outside: "Step on a crack and you break daddy's back." She steps on a crack the mailman next door then keels over screaming.
The husband starts celebrating, gets in the car, and starts to drive away.
The son comes outside and steps on a crack.
The dad then dies in a car crash.
Why is the sun famous? Because it’s a shining star
- sorry for posting this
What did John Cena say to Ray Charles? Hey, man.
Why can’t an orphan celebrate Father’s Day and Mother’s Day? Because they have no parents.
What is stuck between a doorway?
Rebel Wilson
What do Michael Jackson and an Xbox have in common? Firstly, they both went from black to white, and secondly, they both get turned on by kids.
How do you know when it’s bedtime at Michael Jackson’s house?
The big hand is on the little hand!
What do Michael Jackson and caviar have in common? They both come on little white crackers.
What is Juice WRLD's favorite restaurant?
Little Seizures.
I was asking people who knew Trump if he would win a second term. Stormy said, "No way, he doesn't have two in him!"
Chuck Norris once did a roundhouse kick...and successfully completed the bottle cap challenge
Angelina Jolie was married to Brad Pitt...
Does that make her a "Brad Nailer", and him a "Jolie Jumper"?
So my teacher's daughter committed suicide.
One day I'ma go up to her and say, "What's wrong, did Logan Paul leave your daughter hanging?"
Chuck Norris doesn't fly on airplanes. Airplanes fly on Chuck Norris.
