New Car Jokes - Page 14 - Worst Jokes Ever

Woman gets pulled over by a cop.

Cop: "Ma'am, have you been drinking?"

Lady: "No, officer."

Cop: "What's that in your cup then, ma'am?"

Lady: "Just water, officer."

Cop: "Looks like wine to me."

Lady: "Oh my god, Jesus did it again!"

I don't need to go to the car dealership when I have a Geico scanner on my arm at all times. 😏

I got a GTR yesterday, now my kids say, "GTR we there yet?"

I decided that I'll end it all, but when I drove off, I remembered I forgot to do the dishes.

Hey any riding with Biden fans out there?

I ran out of gas and could really use a ride so if one of ya'll can call me and pick me up that'd be great and I can't get gas because I only have 20 bucks which is like 1-5 and a half, help me please.

Why do orphans play with other kids on a playground?

So they will sneak into their parents' car to be a brother or sister.

So, Little Johnny's teacher is warned at the beginning of the school year not to ever make a bet with Johnny unless she is absolutely sure she will win it. One day in class, Johnny raises his hand and says, "Teacher, I'll bet you $50 I can guess what color your underwear is." She replies, "Okay, meet me after class and we'll settle it." But before class ends, she goes to the restroom and removes her panties. After class is over and the students clear out, Johnny makes his guess. "Blue." "Nope. You got it wrong," she says as she lifts her skirt to reveal she isn't wearing any underwear. "Well, come with me out to my dad's car, he's waiting for me, and I'll get you the money." She follows him out. When they get to the car, she informs his dad that he got the bet wrong and that she showed Johnny that she wasn't wearing any underwear. His dad exclaims: "That mother fucker! He bet me $100 this morning that he'd see your pussy before the end of the day!"

Why can't orphans ever get a car? Because they don't have a birth certificate.

Kaj je pomaranča rekla, ko jo je povozil avto?

I was driving with my parent and shouted, "It's a superhero!" But I didn't know it was an emo kid.

What's the difference between when I opened the window in a car wash and when Kawhi Leonard did it? At least my dad didn't get shot in the eye.

Where did JFK go in his car? I am not sure of his intentional destination, but he did go everywhere.

I took my son to a driver's school and am surprised because he got his license but soon lost the privilege to drive a car because he ran over my ex on "accident."

(I gotta go pay him out of jail!)

Apple tried to make a car, but it had no windows ;)

I wish we could implant all parts because I could have used some car parts from Stephen Hawking after he died.

The teacher asked the class what they wanted to be when they grew up.

Johnny said when he grows up he's going to be a motherfucking hustler. He's going to have a wife and live in a big house in the country with maids and butlers and drive a Rolls-Royce, and he's also going to have an apartment in the city where his side bitch is going to live. He's going to buy her expensive jewelry, whatever she wants: cars, diamonds, clothes, shoes.

The teacher didn't know what to say, so she calls on Sally. "What do you want to be when you grow up?"

Sally said, "I want to be Johnny's bitch."