Car jokes
What did the mechanic say to the other mechanic when he broke the car?
"How will we wrench ourselves out of this?"
What's a car's favorite place to hang out?
A CARnival!
Q: Why did the baby cross the road?
A: It wasn't in its car seat.
Where is the worst place to lock your keys in your car?
The anti-abortion clinic because you have to go back in and ask for a coat hanger.
A guy goes onto a rooftop bar and is sitting next to a guy who says he’s drinking a magical drink. He asks, “What’s so magical about it?” The guy drives a car and flies it around the rooftop. The other tries, but falls off and dies.
The bartender shakes his head and says, “Y’know, you’re a real jerk when you’re drunk, Superman.”
That awkward moment when you're checking yourself out in the window of a car and you realize there's somebody inside.
I was riding my bike down the road!
When a car started coming, I started running.
It put me in a crash with my elbow through my ass! ;)
Why couldn't the penguin cross the road?
It was ran over. 🐧
What do you take care of after a car crash?
The witnesses.
Kids in the backseat make accidents, and accidents in the back seat make kids.
They say that bad things happen to good people.
So if you get run over by a car just know you're a good person.
What do world hunger and a Mercedes have in common?
Princess Diana couldn't stop both of them.
Johnny is very attached to his parents. He asks to take a shower with her when she gets in. He looks down and asks, "What's that?" The mother replies, "That's my garage." He looks up and asks, "What are those?" The mother responds, "Those are my headlights."
He then goes and takes a shower with his dad. He looks down, "Daddy, what's that?" The dad replies, "That's my car." He goes to sleep that night and wakes up because of a bad dream. He goes and tells his mother and she says, "You can lay with me." He falls fast asleep then wakes up once more because of falling off the bed. He gets back up and gets under the covers. Then he feels the bed moving. He looks under the covers to investigate and sees them going at it. He then yells, "Mommy, turn on you're headlights, Daddy's parking his car in you're garage!" *THUD*
So Paul Walker made a rap cover. It is called "Straight Out of Windshield."
"Hey, today was great."
"What happened?"
"I ran into my ex today."
"What's so great about that?"
"I was in my car."
A robber robbed a bank and ran into the road and got hit by a car.
The cops said to him, "That's CARma for you!"
Seat belts are like the condom for cars.
My departed uncle was a circus clown before he died.
So all his friends came in one car.
My favorite thing to do in my free time is putting a large skewer on the front of my car and speeding through a school zone trying to make a kebab.
Race car backwards is race car.
Race car sideways is how Paul Walker died.