yo mom so stupid that when she seen went to see fast and furious 8 she was bringing her car to the theater.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather, but not like the other passengers in the car with him.
What was the last thing that crossed Princess Diana's mind?
The steering wheel.
1950: In the future there will be flying cars
2018: Pewdiepie shuts down Shane Dawson
your mama so fat that she doesn't get crushed by cars, she crushes cars and babies in strollers on the sidewalk when she falls and doesn't see any remains so there is no evidence.
What's the difference between my car and a hooker? I park my car in a garage instead of leaving it on the side of the road.
Three drunk men get in a taxi. The driver knew they were drunk, so he started the car and turned it off. The first man gave him the money. The second man thanked him, but the third man slapped the driver. The driver, surprised that he noticed, asked why, and the third man replied with, "Why did you drive so fast?"
A family of 3, a dad, a mom, and a 12 year old son are driving in the car when the dad says, “How about we play a little game of two truths and a lie? It’ll be fun.”
“Ok,” the mom and son reply happily.
“Let me start,” says the son.
“Ok, go ahead,” replies the mom.
“I hate video games, I hate school, and I love junk food,” says the son.
“Ooh ooh! You do love junk food, you do hate school, and you don’t hate video games,” says the mom.
“Your right!” He replies.
“I’ll go next,” says the dad. “I love your mom, you’re adopted, and my dad almost died in WWII.”
“Hmm... Your dad did not almost die in WWII, obviously I’m not adopted, and you do love my mom,” Says the son.
“The lie is the second on,” says the dad.
Man, don't you hate it when you hit a speed bump by and orphanage but then relies, there's no speed bumps here...
Q:What is red white and blue and fun to watch? A: a cop car rolling over after tryong to catch for speeding
Did you hear about the two-car pile-up in Mexico? Yeah like 200 Mexicans died.
Hey guys Billy has this weird disability where when he has sex with someone he says there name really loud. Billy-Hey guys I just got back from my DADS!! Wait what Billy??
Can you drive a pizza? Of course, as long as you change the olive oil.
How do you get 50 babies into a car?
You blend them.
So, a woman gets into a car accident and is in the hospital, and the doctor goes on to tell the man what is going on.
Doctor: "So, your wife, she is paralyzed from the neck down."
And as the doctor goes on, he says all the things the man must do for her, like feed her, dress her, etc. Then the man says, "Why, WHY ME!"
Then the doctor leans over and whispers in the man's ear and says, "I'm just fuckin' with you, she's DEAD!"
You don't need a license to drive a sandwich
My parents told me I was born on the highway.
Apparently that’s where most accidents happen.
Why did Hitler get hit by a car? Because he did Nazi that coming!
Why did Princess Diana cross the road.........She forgot to put her seatbelt
billie: hi.
me: You wanna hear a story?
billie: Yes, sure.
me: Once upon a time, I ran over your dog last night.
