Cant jokes
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they can’t get a home run.
So I told the officer, "I can't even walk when I'm sober."
Q: Why can't a blonde call 911?
A: Because she can't find the 11.
Why would a dead guy lie?
Because he can't stand up.
Two Canadians die and end up in Hell. Satan decides to pay them a visit, so he walks into their room and sees them talking and laughing. Confused, he asks them why they're happy.
They tell him, "Well, we're so sick of the cold where we're from, and this place is nice and toasty."
Satan, annoyed, storms away and goes to Hell's boiler room, where he turns up the temperature.
He goes back to the Canadians' room, along the way being begged by all sorts of people to put the heating back down. He enters the room to see the Canadians having a barbecue. Furiously, he asks them what they're doing.
"Well, we can't pass up this wonderful weather without getting out the barbecue!"
Satan realizes he's been doing the wrong thing. He goes to the boiler room and turns it down until it's at a colder temperature than ever seen on earth.
He knows he's won now, so he goes back to the Canadians' room, only to see them jumping up and down in excitement.
He shouts at them in fury, "WHY ARE YOU STILL HAPPY?!?!?!"
They look at him and shout at the same time, "Hell froze over! That means the Leafs won!"
Man I hate it when companies do this crap, now you can't commit toaster bath anymore
Sorry, I don't have a joke here... Just wondering how idiots end up here complaining about offensive jokes when you ended up here. You had to click that section on purpose, right? If you can't take it, piss the fuck off... If I'd be gay and I'd look up gay jokes and get offended... how stupid is that?
Why can black people post offensive jokes about making fun of white people, but white people can't post offensive jokes about making fun of black people? Because white people have white privilege. Does it cycle?
What's the difference between a baby and a bowling ball?
You can't use a pitchfork to get the bowling ball out of the truck.
Why can't Juice WRLD play COD Zombies? He can't handle 6 perks.
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
He doesn't know where home is.
Can't wait for the orphans to have their family reunion! Wait...
When Little Johnny was about 3, he got curious and stuck his hand up a mannequin's pants. His mom says, "No, Little Johnny, there are teeth up there that will bite off your hand." Little Johnny thinks, "Oh no, I can't do that again."
A few years later, he was 15 and he had a girlfriend, and they were making out. She says, "Why don't you ever stick your hand up my pants?" He says, "Oh no, my mom says there are teeth that will bite off my hand up there." She says, "No, there isn't, just look!" Little Johnny looks and says, "Well, no wonder there ain't no teeth. By the way, them gums look..."
Why can't pirates play cards? Because they're standing on the deck.
A guy walks into a butcher's shop and says, "Sir, are you a gambling man?"
The butcher says, "Why yes, as a matter of fact, I am."
"Then I'll bet you $25 you can't reach up and touch that meat hanging over your head right there."
The butcher thinks for a moment and says, "I'm sorry, I won't take that bet."
The guy says, "But I thought you said you were a gambling man."
"I am. But the steaks are too high."
Why can't Sally swing?
Because she has no arms.
Knock knock, "Who's there?", not Sally.
Where did Sally go when the bombs dropped?
Everywhere.
Why can’t Chinese people play cricket?
Because they ate all the bats!
Yo mama's so poor, she can't even afford to pay attention.
Why can’t Michael Jackson win a race?
Because he’s always coming in a lil’ behind.
What do orphans have in common with mute children?
They can't talk to their parents.
Am I the only one who's on here because it's not blocked on the school laptop and I can't use my phone in class?
Cows go moo.