Why can't I talk in the dark?
Because I'm anonymous.
Me: MOM, I'm tired.
Mom: Take a nap.
Me: No, I can't sleep if Dad isn't here.
Mom: *hangs picture of dad on her room wall* Well, now you can.
Bro, you teeth are so yellow that you can't brush your teeth.
What has legs but can't walk?
Don't know? A paralyzed person ;))
I can't see the bee.
It's by the beehive.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
'Cause they can't go home.
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
Because it could not find home.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't find their way home.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't find home.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't make it a home run.
Why do Asians don’t wear contacts? Cause they can’t fitt.
Puerto Rican teen: I'm a waste, a failure, NUNCA LO PODRA ASER (I'll never be able to do it).
The mother: AI NINO (OH CHILD).
The teen: QUE? (WHAT?)
The mother: NO TE PONGA CON ESTA MIELDA OTRAVES! (DON'T START WITH THIS SHIT AGAIN!)
The teen: I CAN'T DO SHIT RIGHT MAMA!
The mother: OOOHHH YEAH WELL TU SI PUEDES ABLAR MIELDA DE TI, I BOTAR BASURA! (YOU SURE CAN TALK CRAP ABOUT YOURSELF AND THROW OUT THE TRASH.)
The teen: QUAL (WHICH).
The mother: MADRE DE DIOS (MOTHER OF GOD).
The teen: AVIA UNA NEGRA I OTRA BLANKA (THERE WAS A BLACK ONE AND WHITE ONE).
*A phone buzzes.*
The teen: Whose phone is that, ma?
Unknown: MR. PRESIDENT IF YOU TAKE AWAY THE CONFEDERATE FLAG HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHO THE BAD WHITE PEOPLE ARE?
*Runs to bag, opens white one and sticks hand in.*
The teen: HAIR GEL
Why can't orphans go to the store? Because they throw everything around.
What was George's last message to humanity before joining the others?
"I CAN'T BREATHE!"
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they don't know where home plate is.
Why can't orphans go to a five-star hotel?
Why can't the toilet paper cross the road? Because it got stuck in a crack!
I'm George Washington. I can't spell "teeth" or "American."
The best part of you ran down your mother's leg... Einstein got ready to climax while doing math but realized you can't cumtilyain cumtilion. It's after sucktillion fucktillion.
Just 'cause I have a big penis doesn't mean I can't have sex.
