Cant jokes
I went to a sleepover at my best friend's house. He lives with his grandpa and little brother, his mom and dad. His little brother likes to run around the house naked sometimes. I can't help but notice his grandpa always looks up when he does.
Two blondes fell in a hole and one asked, "It's dark in here, isn't it?" and the other one says, "I don't know, I can't see."
How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? That's a silly question. Feminists can't change anything.
Bully: I'm going to hurt you so bad.
You: Well... your IQ is the same amount of teeth I'm about to knock out, so... you're so dumb that you can't even do that.
And your IQ is 5.
How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?
As many as you like. They can’t change anything.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
because they'll never make it home.
Why can't dinosaurs clap?
Because they're dead.
Michael Jackson goes to the doctor.
Michael Jackson: "Help, doctor, I've been shot!" Doctor: "I can't fix that, but I can change your skin color so it doesn't happen again."
Stop making jokes about disabled people; they can’t stand up for themselves.
Why can't dinosaurs clap? 'Cause they're dead.
So, there's Fred and Frank. Now, they've been friends for years, but Fred, see, he's depressed. Badly.
Either way, so F+F are texting each other, and here's how it goes: (this is my first joke, so please don't judge too harshly)
Frank: Yo
Fred: Hi...
Frank: U heard about de competition?
Fred: Yeah...
Frank: You wanna hang out?
Fred: .......
Frank: What? I've got some noose (news) for you.
Fred: ...I(
Frank: Fine.... I guess we need to think of a plan, though. We don't wanna be hanging on the end.
Fred: *sigh* You know....you really can't rope me into this competition.
Stephen Hawking isn't dead, he's just can't walk to the shop and get new batteries. 🙄
His name rhymes with walking and talking, but he can’t do either.
Why can't Michael Jackson play chess? Because he doesn't know if he is black or white.
We all know Steven can’t post on here because he can’t pass the robot test.
Why can't all guys be more like Kenny? He doesn't get all upset when his mom isn't in the mood.
Why can’t Indian women drive?
They’re too used to riding their camels.
Can’t believe how ungrateful my dwarf next-door neighbor is. I saw him waiting at the bus stop earlier today and offered to give him a lift, but he told me to “fuck off.” In the end, I decided to just close my rucksack and walk away.
The police department made a new machine that will teleport you back to prison if you commit a crime. The police release 4 criminals: a hacker, a rapist, a serial killer, and a drug lord. The hacker tries to hack a bank. The hacker gets teleported back to prison. The drug lord tries to cook meth. The drug lord gets teleported back to prison. Now the serial killer decides that she wants to change, but when she sees a knife she just can’t help it. She bends down to pick up the knife and the rapist gets teleported back to prison.
Can bees fly higher than Mt. Everest? No? Actually, they can. Mt. Everest can't fly.