Cant jokes
How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?
As many as you like. They can’t change anything.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
because they'll never make it home.
Why can't dinosaurs clap?
Because they're dead.
Michael Jackson goes to the doctor.
Michael Jackson: "Help, doctor, I've been shot!" Doctor: "I can't fix that, but I can change your skin color so it doesn't happen again."
Stop making jokes about disabled people; they can’t stand up for themselves.
Why can't dinosaurs clap? 'Cause they're dead.
So, there's Fred and Frank. Now, they've been friends for years, but Fred, see, he's depressed. Badly.
Either way, so F+F are texting each other, and here's how it goes: (this is my first joke, so please don't judge too harshly)
Frank: Yo
Fred: Hi...
Frank: U heard about de competition?
Fred: Yeah...
Frank: You wanna hang out?
Fred: .......
Frank: What? I've got some noose (news) for you.
Fred: ...I(
Frank: Fine.... I guess we need to think of a plan, though. We don't wanna be hanging on the end.
Fred: *sigh* You know....you really can't rope me into this competition.
Stephen Hawking isn't dead, he's just can't walk to the shop and get new batteries. 🙄
What do you call a German man who can't see?
A not see.
A missionary was caught by cannibals. He was tied up and thrown into a big pot. The cannibals were chopping up vegetables and throwing them into the pot with the missionary. When they lit the fire under the pot, the missionary said, "You can't stew me. I'm a friar."
Why can't Michael Jackson play chess? Because he doesn't know if he is black or white.
Why can’t Indian women drive?
They’re too used to riding their camels.
Can’t believe how ungrateful my dwarf next-door neighbor is. I saw him waiting at the bus stop earlier today and offered to give him a lift, but he told me to “fuck off.” In the end, I decided to just close my rucksack and walk away.
Why can't all guys be more like Kenny? He doesn't get all upset when his mom isn't in the mood.
We all know Steven can’t post on here because he can’t pass the robot test.
The police department made a new machine that will teleport you back to prison if you commit a crime. The police release 4 criminals: a hacker, a rapist, a serial killer, and a drug lord. The hacker tries to hack a bank. The hacker gets teleported back to prison. The drug lord tries to cook meth. The drug lord gets teleported back to prison. Now the serial killer decides that she wants to change, but when she sees a knife she just can’t help it. She bends down to pick up the knife and the rapist gets teleported back to prison.
Why can't orphans be gay?
They don't know who to call daddy.
Why is vegetable soup hard to cook? Because you can't fit the wheelchair in!
These two cannibals are sitting by the campfire having dinner. One says, "I can't stand my mother-in-law." The other says, "So, just eat the potatoes."
Can bees fly higher than Mt. Everest? No? Actually, they can. Mt. Everest can't fly.