Cant jokes
Your mom is so fat that Dora couldn't explore her.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Cause they don’t know where home is.
What do you give a armless kid for Christmas?
Nothing because they can't open the gift.
Brits don't exist. Mummies can't have kids.
Why can't homeless people buy a house?
'Cause they live on the streets.
That shit was trash. You can't handle me.
Hold up. Aren't you Nathaniel B.?
A guy sits at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He slams a shot of tequila, goes over to the window, and jumps out.
The guy sitting next to him can’t believe what he just saw. He’s more surprised when, 10 minutes later, the same guy walks back into the bar and sits down next to him.
The astonished onlooker asks, “How did you do that? I just saw you jump out the window, and we’re hundreds of feet above the ground!”
The jumper responds by slurring, “Well, I don’t get it either. I slam a shot of tequila, and when I jump out the window, the tequila makes me slow down right before I hit the ground. Watch.” He takes a shot, goes to the window, and jumps out.
The other guy runs to the window and watches as the guy falls to just above the sidewalk, slows down, and lands softly on his feet. A few minutes later, the jumper walks back into the bar.
The other guy has to try it, too, so he orders a shot of tequila. He slams it and jumps out the window. As he reaches the bottom, he doesn’t slow down at all. SPLAT!
The first guy orders another shot of tequila. The bartender shakes his head. “You’re really an a**hole when you’re drunk, Superman.” I know.
What do you call a German that can't see? A Notsee.
Why do orphans hate cricket?
Because they can't get a "homerun."
Why can’t orphans have phones?
Because it has a home button.
Why don’t orphans play baseball?
Because they can’t get a home run.
What sucks about disabled people?
They can't stand up for themselves.
How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
Don't be stupid, feminists can't change anything.
A man came running into a hospital saying, "Doctor, Doctor! I can't feel my legs!"
The doctor replied, "I know I amputated your arms!"
Why can’t an orphan take medicine?
They need parental supervision.
Yo mama so dumb, when I told her my friend was mute she said, “Can't you unmute her?”
What does this joke and half a deck of cards have in common? You can't even deal with it!
In light of Trump's slurring, staggering, and incoherence, I wondered if he should get checked for a brain tumor.
Then I realized how ridiculous that sounded.
A tumor can't grow in something that doesn't exist in the first place.
What did the parents say to the orphans?
"YOU CAN'T SEE ME!"
Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house?
Of course it can, a house can't jump.
Danny just bought a new game from Steam for a penny.
About one hour later, Danny asks his mother: "Mom, I am not able to start the game."
Mom asked, "Why?"
Danny answers: "It says 'Press any key' on the screen, but I can't find an 'Any' button on my keyboard."