Cant jokes
My two moods are “I can’t believe I get to be a person” and “I can’t believe I have to be a person.”
What’s the difference between an enzyme and a hormone?
You can’t hear an enzyme.
Why can't we see a camel?
Because it's camelflauged!
What do world hunger and a Mercedes have in common?
Diana can't stop either.
Why can't an orphan live peacefully?
Technoblade: As a ghost, he could locate all orphans within 2 weeks.
What's the difference between a rock and a dead baby?
You can't fuck a rock.
Why can't an orphan make a YouTube channel?
'Cause they can't make it family friendly.
What do you call a mom that can’t draw? Tracy.
Why can't orphans learn about Ancient Egypt? Because they won't know what a mummy is.
How much you wanna bet you will not repeat my name out loud (at school/work)?
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
'Cause they don’t have a home to go to.
I'm doing something Stephen Hawking can't do... pressing "I'm not a robot."
Why are feminists always against men?
Because men can piss with something that they can't: piss with dicks.
Why can't orphans use iPhones?
They can't find the home button.
Why do vampires drink blood?
Because they can't drink Bloody Marys because they are vampires.
Your hairline goes so far back even Dora the Explorer couldn’t find it.
Husband: "I bet you can't say something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time."
Wife: "You have the biggest penis out of all your friends."
Your mama's breath smells so bad, people can't wait for her to fart.
(True story)
One day Sally's mom said, "I can just eat you up!" And Sally says, "No, you can't!" Then the mom asks why and Sally says, "Because I'm a beaner, and we don't taste good."
Why can't orphans play poker?
They don't know what a full house is.