Cant jokes
Friend: My bike doesn't have a kick stand, so it can't stand up.
Me: Nah, it's just two tired.
Why can't women just shut the fuck up! I hate women. They need to know their place and stay in the kitchen and be baby makers...
I'm throwing an orgy for people on antidepressants.
Let me know if you can't cum.
Tim and Tom were at work. Tim said, "I'm sick of this. I'm going to act like an idiot to get sent home." So Tim was on the roof saying, "I am a light bulb!" The boss walked in and said, "Tim, go home, you're acting like a dick!" Then Tom started packing up and Tim said, "Tom, why are you packing up?" Tom says, "I can't work in the fucking dark, can I?"
What's yellow and can't swim?
A school bus full of kids drowning.
Someone tracked down a cripple and said, "You can hide, but you can't run!"
Stephen Hawking has enough money to stand up, but can’t grab the money.
I can't imagine him moaning with the kids, "Hi, uh, ya daddy, uh HEE!"
What is the most annoying thing your parents say to you, and what is the dumbest thing someone can say that annoys you?
The most annoying thing your parents can say: "Finish your dinner, there are starving kids in Africa!" No, you can't have any dessert until you finish your dinner. (See how annoying that is!)
The dumbest thing someone can say that annoys you: "Why is your name Crayla? Why is your last name Goldburg? Is it like a gold bird!" (That is really annoying if you ask me!)
Thanks for reading this...bye!
Just because she can't crawl doesn't mean she can't eat my balls.
Why can't you trust the atom? 'Cause they make up everything.
Why can't orphans play basketball?
Because they don't know where home is.
What's the difference between a dead baby and a slice of pizza?
A dead baby can't feed a family.
Why are you so tired if you can’t see? Because you are blind.
Your hairline's so far back that Dora the Explorer can't explore it!
Why can't the toilet paper cross the road? It was stuck in a crack.
Why can't Helen Keller drive?
Because she's a woman? No, seriously, why can't she drive? Because she's dead.
You work at Papa's Pizzeria, ok?
Boss: You're fired!
Me: Ok?
Worker: Why are you fired?
Me: Oh, you wanna know...
*shows him the oven with my pizza*
Me: I left my pizza in the oven, that bitch burnt as fuck!!
Worker: OH SHIT!!
Boss: Did you say pizza?
Me: I sure did!
*shows boss pizza in oven*
Me: This hoe black as fuck!
Boss: I fired you because I can't stop looking at your ass, not this why?
Deaf people suck lots of dicks.
They can't hear!
Why are Chinese so good at jaywalking? Cause they can't tell the difference between green and red light with their tiny eyes.