Cant jokes
Sheila, the Aussie housewife, got out of the shower and slipped on the bathroom floor. Instead of falling over forwards or backwards, she did the splits and suctioned cupped herself to the floor.
She yelled out for her husband, "Bruce! Bruce!" and he came running in. "Bruce, I’ve bloody suctioned myself to the floor!" she said.
"S’truth, Sheila!" Bruce said, and tried to pull her up. "You’re stuck fast girl. I’ll go across the road and get me mate Cobber."
They came back and they both tried to pull her up from the floor. "No way, we can’t do it!" Cobber said, "So let’s try Plan B."
"Plan B?" exclaimed Bruce, "What’s that?"
"I’ll go home and get me hammer and chisel and we’ll break the tiles under her," replied Cobber.
"Spot on!" Bruce said, "While you’re doing that, I’ll stay here and play with her nipples."
"Play with her nipples?" Cobber said, "Not exactly a good time for that mate!"
"No... " Bruce replied, "But I reckon if I can get her wet enough, we can slide her into the kitchen where the tiles are a lot cheaper."
Q: Why can't Helen Keller drive?
A: Because she's a woman.
Note to all.
My name is Lariah. Lariah Carla Brown, 14 years old and I am 1 of triplets. I don't understand how rape jokes are funny, and I just want to make that statement clear. I also hate orphan jokes because I WAS one. Notice when I put WAS! I also see jokes about cancer, now I know you can't be kidding. You know that cancer is a disease that many people get and could die from, so you are just wrong about that!
What time is it when you say I can’t walk anymore? Time to get a wheelchair 🦼.
This one time I said that John Cena looks like crap.
But I realized I can't see him. LOL!
Zion is so fat that his dick can't even fit in his wife's pussy.
Why can't a dodo fly? Cus it suicided when it saw you will be born soon.
Why can’t orphans have an iPhone?
Because they can’t hit the home button.
If cancer was a person I’d shake their hand and say: "Thank you for your service."
Sorry if it’s too far, but don’t come here if you can’t take it.
Ever heard the saying white people can’t jump??
Well, I think that’s total bullshit. You should have seen us on 9/11!
Why can't I have any chocolate ice cream for dessert? Because I made it disappear up your ass for good.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
They can never find home.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
'Cause there is no home to run to.
This is what the unknown guy is saying about Tenya and Kenya!
Go to each link and read it and the comments, and it will really make you cry!
http://worstjokesever.com/jokes/603fb240eccd25122cb21997/kenya-will-end-up-all-alone
https://worstjokesever.com/jokes/603fa7beeccd25122cb2197b/fine-then-if-i-cant-do-gwen-then-i-guess http://worstjokesever.com/jokes/603fbb2aeccd25122cb219a5/kenya-at-least-you-know-youre-ugly-and-accept-itit-is-tenya-and-kenya-twin-sisters
You think Gwen is the worst one to get bullied? Well look at this!
Why can't you hear a dinosaur clap? They're dead.
Literally no one: Why can't you hear the pterodactyl?
Random person: I don't know.
No one: BECAUSE THEY ARE EXTINCT!
Random person: Ha, cool, I guess.
If Stephen Hawking was in a horror movie, would he make his robot try and shout, "Aaaaaaaah! Help me, I can't move! I'm too scared!"?
Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she's a woman... no other reasons besides that.
What do you call a rapper who can't keep a beat?
A RAPPER-TAP-TAP!
A: What did the podiatrist say to the double amputee?
Q: Sorry, but I can't help you.