Cant jokes
To start, I'm a big fella in size.
I saw a skinny guy act like Santa, so I went over to him. "You can't pull that off," I said. He said, "Then you try it." He gave me the Santa suit, and I dressed up. He walked by and saw me with 45 kids in line to sit on my lap and tell me what they wanted for Christmas.
My mom said to let Jesus come inside me; now I can't sit down.
(Note: this joke is not one of the worst jokes ever because it is obscene or offensive; it’s just a bad joke.) Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because they’re dead.
Why can't Jesus eat M&Ms?
They'll fall right through his hands.
Islamic pubs and bars are the worst.
You can't drink alcohol or dance.
Women can get stoned though, no questions asked.
Why are disabled people screwed?
Because you can't run or hide!
What can’t a Black person say to a police officer?
"Thanks for the warning."
What do you call a mom that can’t draw? Tracy.
Do you know why there are no pharmacies and pharmacists in Africa?
Because you can't take pills on an empty stomach!
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they can’t run home.
Why can’t orphans play baseball? Because they can’t go home.
Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon?
Because she’ll let it goo!
Why can’t you tell a funny joke to a wheelchair kid? Because he just rolls with the joke.
I was always told as a kid that I have to pick between being a programmer and an English teacher.
They said: you can't be a "pro-grammer nazi."
Why can’t you trust an atom?
Because they make up literally everything.
If I flip off an Asian person, he can't see it.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can never get a home run.
What's the second worst thing to happen to orphans?
They can't have sex.
"Why?"
Because they don't have anyone to call mommy or daddy.
Why can't Indians play baseball? Because every time they hit a corner, they open a shop.
Why can’t Chinese people play baseball? Because they ate the bat!