Cant jokes
You want to hear a joke about pizza?
Sorry! Can't tell ya, it's too cheesy!
What's big and yellow and can't swim? A bus filled with children.
A man in a wheelchair and his friend were walking down the street.
Man in Wheelchair: *falls out of wheelchair*
Friend: Are you okay?
Man in Wheelchair: I can't feel my legs!
A man was shaving in the bathroom when all of a sudden Bubba, the boy he payed to mow his lawn, comes in to take a piss. The man can't help but look over his shoulder and he is surprised at how well endowed he is, and he asks: "Bubba, what's your secret?"
Bubba replies: "Well, every night before I get in bed with a woman I whack my dick on the bedpost three times. It works, and it sure impresses the girls!"
The man was excited at this easy suggestion and decided to try it that very night, before he went to bed with his wife. So he got to bed and whacked his dick on the bedpost three times and the wife wakes up and says "Bubba, is that you?"
What is one word orphans can't spell?
Family.
What's yellow and can't swim? My mom on Halloween.
What's the difference between a piano and a fish?
You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish!
Why can't Jesus play hockey?
He keeps getting nailed to the boards.
Why can't you tell a joke in a corn maze?
Because there's too many ears.
I would try to make a Fortnite joke, but I can't seem to build on it.
Why can’t orphans play sports?
Because they don’t have a home team.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They never hit home.
What is long, yellow and can’t swim?
A school bus full of orphans.
Why can’t orphans have sex?
They have no one to call “daddy.”
Asian Grading scale: A- Average.
B- Half Average.
C- Stupid idiot!
D- FAILURE! CAN'T EVEN DO CALCULUS!
F- FORGOTTEN FAILURE! CAN'T EVEN GET A JOB AT MCDONALDS!
I wonder if Stephen Hawking heard the song "Gangster's Paradise." Oh, shit, he can't!
Why can't America play chess?
Because it lost two towers.
To start, I'm a big fella in size.
I saw a skinny guy act like Santa, so I went over to him. "You can't pull that off," I said. He said, "Then you try it." He gave me the Santa suit, and I dressed up. He walked by and saw me with 45 kids in line to sit on my lap and tell me what they wanted for Christmas.
My mom said to let Jesus come inside me; now I can't sit down.
(Note: this joke is not one of the worst jokes ever because it is obscene or offensive; it’s just a bad joke.) Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because they’re dead.